I struggle with finding a Church where I am fully accepted, because everywhere that I have gone to worship I have received very strong judgment from others. There are some who talk behind my back, while others give me their thoughts to my face or by a letter...
"April, you are a divorced, single mother and that is ungodly. God created children to have two parents and it's not right to be raising your son without a father for him."
Yes, I get this sermon more than you may think. My first thought is, 'let me just wave my magic wand and make Mr. Right appear!!' And then my second thought is, 'if God felt it was wrong then he would have already brought me Mr. Right.'
It's a lot easier to be accepted in society as a single mom by non-Christians than it is by Christians, and that's the truth. In my case, most fellow Christians have either treated me as a huge sinner who doesn't really love God or know Him like they do, or they have treated me as a charity case for them to minister to. I don't need either. I just want to be seen and respected as the woman that I am. Once again, I get more respect from non-Christians than my fellow brother's and sister's. And just like any other human that runs the face of this earth, I tend to flock to the group that I feel most comfortable with. If I can't feel comfortable with my brother's and sister's in Christ, who am I going to feel comfortable with? Yet I am tired of living that lifestyle!
My son has been nothing but a blessing to me. In fact, I still stand by the fact that God used him to save my life. I never knew I would enjoy being a mother as much as I do today. And yes, there are times that I can see how much Gabe needs a man in his life. Heck, there are times I can see how much I need a man in my life!! Of course I would like someone to complete our little family; to lead us and take care of us. But God just keeps teaching me that I need to wait on Him for the right time and the right man. In other words, STOP WORRYING ABOUT ALL OF THESE OPINIONS ABOUT HOW I NEED A HUSBAND RIGHT NOW, AND WAIT ON THE ONLY ONE THAT TRULY MATTERS: GOD!
And so, I am renewing my vows with God. To love Him, serve Him, obey Him, and wait for Him, and ONLY Him.
But before I finish this, I want to make a point that I love my Christian family very much, including those who have shared their thoughts about my life with me or with others. And in their examples I have learned a very valuable lesson for myself: to not judge someone else until I've walked a mile in their shoes. While some of my sins are more "obvious" because I am, as we've already established, a single mom, I am no worse of a sinner than the man who struggles with porn behind closed doors, or the woman who suffers "gossiping syndrome." We all must follow the same suit of confessing our sins to God in order to be forgiven, and learning from our mistakes. Most importantly, we all must turn to Him for strength and guidance, without letting the past rule our future.
I encourage all of my friends and family to get to know someone's story before judging them. You might find that you have more in common than you realize!
LUKE 7:36-50:
"...when a woman who had lived a sinful life in that town learned that Jesus was eating at the Pharisee's house, she brought an alabaster jar of perfume, and as she stood behind him at his feet weeping, she began to wet his feet with her tears. Then she wiped them with her hair, kissed them and poured perfume on them.
When the Pharisee who had invited him saw this, he said to himself, 'if this man were a prophet, he would know who is touching him and what kind of woman she is--that she is a sinner.'
Jesus answered him, 'Simon, I have something to tell you.'
'Tell me, teach,' he said.
'Two men owed money to a certain moneylender. One owed him 500, and the other 50. Neither of them had the money to pay him back so he canceled the debts of both. Now which of them will love him more?'
Simon replied, 'I suppose the one who had the bigger debt canceled.'
'You have judged correctly,' Jesus said. Then he turned toward the woman and said to Simon, 'Do you see this woman? I came into your house. You did not give me any water for my feet, but she wet my feet with her tears and wiped them with her hair... Therefore, I tell you, her many sins have been forgiven--for she loved much. But he who has been forgiven little loves little...' Jesus said to the woman, 'your faith has saved you; go in peace.'
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I thank the Lord for hearing my cries and forgiving my sins, and I pray that this touches the hearts of others as it has touched mine.
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