Scare Tactics

A couple weeks ago I ran into a young man that had just stopped going to church about a month ago. We had a good talk with each other and I got to hear the reason for why he walked away from church. I have to say, I was deeply burdened by his story...

This specific young man, who we'll call "Joe" for the sake of confusion (even though that's not his real name), lost his brother in a car accident just a few weeks ago. After Joe shared his loss with another man in church, rathing than consoling Joe the man began asking about his brother's salvation. Joe said he did not believe his brother was saved and so this man took it upon himself to explain to Joe that his brother was in hell right now. He used Joe's sorrow as an opportunity to teach a "lesson" that Hell is not where we want to end up. This man witnessed first hand the changes Joe had been trying to make in his own life as a babe in the faith. Yet, in a time where Joe (a brand new Christian) was mourning the death of his brother, his "Brother in Christ" took it upon himself to use it as a scare tactic.

Scare tactics.... what exactly is the meaning behind them and what place do they have in the Christian realm? Sure, the Bible says to fear the Lord, but with a true understanding of the word of God you would know that this doesn't mean we're supposed to live every day in fear that God could strike us with a lightening bult.

"Do not curse the deaf or put a stumbling block in front of the blind, but fear your God. I am the Lord. Do not pervert justice; do not show partiality to the poor or favoritism to the great, but judge your neighbor fairly." Leviticus 19:14-15

"And now, O Israel, what does the Lord your God ask of you but to fear the Lord your God, to walk in all his ways, to love him, to serve the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul, and to observe the Lord's commands and decrees that I am giving you today for your own good?" Deuteronomy 10:12-13

"But be sure to fear the Lord and serve him faithfully with all your heart; consider what great things he has done for you." 1 Samuel 12:24

"He told them, 'Consider carefully what you do, because you are not judging for man but for the Lord, who is with you whenever you give a verdict. Now let the fear of the Lord be upon you. Judge carefully, for with the Lord our God there is no injustice or partiality or bribery.'" 2 Chronicles 19:6-7

"For you are great and do marvelous deeds; you alone are God. Teach me your way, O Lord, and I will walk in your truth; give me an undivided heart, that I may fear your name. I will praise you, O Lord my God, with all my heart; I will glorify your name forever." Psalm 86:10-12

"The fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge, but fools despise wisdom and discipline." Proverbs 1:7

"Instruct a wise man and he will be wiser still; teach a righteous man and he will add to his learning. The fear of the LORD is the beginning of wisdom, and knowledge of the Holy One is understanding." Proverbs 9:9-10

We can see in some of these verses above that our "fear" for God derives from judging fairly and carefully; walking after God and obeying His commands; loving God with all of our hearts; seeking wisdom and increasing our knowledge of the Lord. How do we accomplish all of this? By staying in the word and in prayer as often as possible. You come to know who God truly is through His word. And in my opinion, from what I've learned about God (over the past approx 20 years of studying my Bible) He is not a God who wishes for His children to tell a man in mourning that His brother is currently being tortured for his sins. Should we hold back on sharing what we believe about God? Absolutely not! I encourage every person, no matter what they believe, that if they are truly convicted in where they stand to share it! If it's truth, it needs to be heard. I am not telling anybody that they should hide their beliefs, what I am saying is that there is a time and place for everything:

"For everything there is a season,
a time for every activity under heaven.
A time to be born and a time to die.
A time to plant and a time to harvest.
A time to kill and a time to heal.
A time to tear down and a time to build up.
A time to cry and a time to laugh.
A time to grieve and a time to dance.
A time to scatter stones and a time to gather stones.
A time to embrace and a time to turn away.
A time to search and a time to quit searching.
A time to keep and a time to throw away.
A time to tear and a time to mend.
A time to be quiet and a time to speak.
A time to love and a time to hate.
A time for war and a time for peace."
Ecclesiastes 3:1-8

I must say, I've been deeply dissapointed in some "christians" for quite a while; some that I know personally, some that I've heard stories about. Please don't misunderstand me, I know that I am by no means a perfect Christian. In fact, compared to some of these people I am probably a greater hypocrite than they are! But one thing I am strongly convicted on is my place in judging others, and that is that it's NOT my place to judge their salvation. It's is God's position only to judge that part of a man's life. My job is not even so much to speak the word of God as much as it is to LIVE the word of God. I know that I fail at this many times, EVERY DAY to be exact. There is nobody that could be more aware of my failures than myself, other than God of course. And that is why the choices I make are between me and God, and your walk is between yourself and God. Of course I will share my passion for Christ with everyone who wants to hear it, but I try my hardest to choose the right words at the right time, and I do so by letting the Holy Spirit guide my words and not myself. I know that my tongue can be a bitter one; I have the power to cut a man (or woman) into tiny pieces if I wanted... and I won't lie, there have been times where I have. That is why it can't be me that speaks the word of God to others, but the love of God that is within me (psalm 52:4, proverbs 11:12, proverbs 12:18, proverbs 15:4, proverbs 18:21, james 1:26, james 3:5-9***KEY IS VERSE 9, 1 Pet 3:10, 1 John 3:18). This rule doesn't just apply to me, but to everyone who wants to do the will of God, including leaders.

Recently, I also heard about a pastor who told one of his members, my friend, that their personality was very dull and they were too self focused (which is far from the truth); basically, they needed a new personality. Apparently this "pastor" forgot his place, and in my opinion, set a really horrible example about the love of God for everyone around him who heard his slandering words.

I've lived almost my entire life with people watching my every move very closely, waiting for me to screw up. The moment I stumbled people would harp on me almost immediately, explaining to me what a sinner I was, and they'd begin pressuring me to start doing things the way they saw fit for me. I've been made to feel like a horrible, wretched sinner by fellow Christians who called themselves my brother's and sister's in Christ. They felt that God was the one calling them to make me feel so low about myself. I don't doubt they truly believed they were convicted by God, which just goes to show why it's very important we check our "convictions" at the door with God, for Satan can be very deceiving. I thank my Heavenly Father that He gave me a strong enough will to not let the cutting words drive deep inside of me. I have recognize that I am equally a sinner, and I have forgiven those who offended me. But there are some who don't have a strong enough will to keep such hurtful words from bringing them down and making them feel unworthy of God's love compared to others.

I know without a doubt that my strong foundation in my walk with God would not be where it's at today if I had not made some of the poor decisions that I made, or walked away from some of the people that I needed to walk away from. I'm not saying it was God who led me to start partying when I was 17 years old, or even to get married at 19 when I was not ready to be married. Those were my own, bad choices, and I've never shown any sign of trying to blame them on other people or even say that they were led by God. However, let's review human *Christian's* responses to the mistakes I've made compared to God's response (I am simply using myself as an example, but there are thousands of other Christians and even non Christians being wrongly persecuted as well):

HUMAN: "April, you are a good Christian but you're a horrible sinner. At this rate, you're going to fall off the edge of the mountain.. You are such a disrespectful and rude person who doesn't listen to anything *PEOPLE* tell you to do ((as opposed to what GOD tells me to do)). You committed a sin today, yesterday, the day before, and so on.. likewise, I committed a sin today, yesterday, and every other day of my life, but I've decided that while you're being destroyed for your sins, even though you are a born again Christian and baptized just as I am, I will get to go to Heaven and be blessed for my sins. It may not seem fair to you but it's easier for me to condemn you, April, than myself. It's easier for me to focus on your sins than my own. So instead of trying to control my own life, I'll try to control yours..." (and yes, I have been told this; I'm not exagerating. If anything, I'm repeating it in a lighter format)

GOD: "April, remember when I said: 'Therefore, I tell you, her many sins have been forgiven—for she loved much. But he who has been forgiven little loves little.'(Luke 7:47)--I give you, and anyone who wants it, this same promise."

If you can't tell, I feel very strongly about this subject matter. Perhaps it is because I've experienced it so often in my own life. If you haven't been judged as soarly as I or some others have been, you may not be able to understand the depth of the pain it inflicts on your life. You may think words are just words. You may even think that you're doing the will of God. If you are, how are you approaching His will? Is it with the Love of God or with your own fleshly approach? Do you allow your own emotions, your own care and concern for someone, to control your behavior in the way you reach out to them? Are you truly allowing God to direct your heart and your words? DO YOU BELIEVE THAT THIS MAN WAS OKAY TO TELL "JOE" THAT HIS BROTHER WAS IN HELL WHEN JOE DIDN'T ASK TO HEAR THAT, ESPECIALLY WHILE HE WAS MOURNING HIS BROTHER'S DEATH? DO YOU BELIEVE THE PASTOR HAD A RIGHT TO TELL ONE OF HIS FAITHFUL FOLLOWERS THAT THEY PRETTY MUCH LACKED A PERSONALITY?

This week I was sent an email from a friend whom I will always hold dear to me. They were concerned for me, and I could tell in the way they wrote their letter that they were nervous to say anything at all. But they did well in using love and compassion in their words rather than condemnation. Because of that, their words were able to weigh on my heart and my mind more so than any person whose ever tried to approach me with "scare tactics."

When we claim the title "CHRISTIAN," we need to follow through with its job description: being CHRIST LIKE. I don't believe this even refers to committing sins like doing drugs, gambling, etc. as much as it refers to the character we are called to develop, which includes the way we judge, treat, and speak to others. This is all I'm going to say for now. Let it rest on your heart for a while.

Do What You Will

I'm really serious, God has been putting it on my heart very strong lately to get involved in a ministry for women some how. I'm still confused about where, when... basically all of the details are unclear, but the motive is definitely there. One thing that has been weighing on me is the thought of a writing a book which would revolve around my experience as a single mom. The trials, the emotions, the challenges, and learning to give it all to God. I'm praying that if it really is the Lord putting that on my heart, He'll reveal the time and place for me to do it.
I need a lot of prayer! If this is God calling me, I trust that He will provide all that I need to do it. I need prayer for the right doors to be opened and the wrong ones shut, locked, and the key thrown away.:)
I'm so excited about what God is doing in my life! Whether I actually end up writing a book or doing whatever, I just want to shine for Jesus. That's all I care about. Honestly. No lies.
---
DO WHAT YOU WILL
by Desperation Band

You come like you promised you would
I want to surrender for good
I know that I need you
And I don't want to keep living life alone

So take my heart
and make it new
make it true
And make it like you
Take my hands
I lift them high
They're yours not mine to do
Do what you will
Do what you will
Do what you will

I feel like a blind man in you sight
I know that I'm wicked in your eyes
So wash me and make me shine like the sun
I want to tell everyone
that you're the only one

So take my heart
And make it new
Make it true
And make it like you
Take my hands
I lift them high
They're yours not mine to do
Do what you will
Do what you will
Do what you will

I'm ready now
I'm ready now
I'm ready now
Do what you will
I'm ready now
I'm ready now
I'm ready now
Do what you will

So take my heart
and make it new
make it true
And make it like you
Take my hands
I lift them high
They're yours not mine to do
Do what you will
Do what you will
Do what you will

Hold Me Accountable

It's so scary how quickly Satan attacks us and how verrrrry deceiving he can be at times. Literally, only a couple days after I wrote my last blog I had two separate stumbling blocks thrown at me. By stumbling blocks, I mean that they went against everything I had just written about and truly believe in my heart. Looking at them from God's point of view, I'm sure it was obvious that nothing good would come from these circumstances. However, coming from a young female's point of view, I could have easily convinced myself that it had the potential of becoming something good. And to be perfectly honest, I was close to heading down that path. That's why I am so grateful for my personal and deep relationship with God which saved me from making any more mistakes and digging myself any deeper. Just a few months ago I would have fallen over these stumbling blocks and perhaps never picked myself back up from them. My flesh looks at the situation and see's everything "wonderful" about it, but God provided me with the spiritual eyes I needed in order to see straight through the situation. I am so grateful for the Lord giving me a spirit of discernment about it AS WELL AS some great female friends to hold me accountable--God is amazing!
The thing is, every woman wants to hear a man tell her sweet things. Not that I am in any way more special than anyone else, but as a single mom, to be told, "I want to take care of you" is such a dangerous thing for me to hear. In fact, it brings tears to my eyes just thinking about it because I do very much desire to have a man waltz into my life, sweep me off my feet, and tell me he WANTS to take care of me (and my son) and actually mean it. But the reality is, if he's not the man God has planned for me then his version of "taking care of me" will not line up with God's way of taking care of me, who is my ultimate provider and always will be. Every relationship I have ever been in was one where I ended up just "settling." I have yet to experience a healthy relationship and I know that the only way I will is if I wait on the Lord instead of trying to force something that I only half want into working out, until I deceive myself into believing it's what I want. Does that make sense?
Back in August, I had a very good male friend from church tell me, "You are a beautiful woman, inside and out. Don't settle! God has someone amazing planned for you." It was so encouraging to hear that; those words have stuck with me ever since we had our chat, and no, there is nothing between that man and I--he is very happily taken to one of the most beautiful Godly women I know at our church. They are a wonderful couple! The point is, women (including and especially myself) are so easily swayed by words. All the man has to know is how to say the right things to a girl and he can have a female wrapped around his finger no matter what shape, size, color, or age he is. But unless he is sincere about is words, it is manipulation. Even if it is sincere, if it's not from God then DON'T SETTLE! My male friend who spoke to me, didn't speak those kind words in order to try to win my heart over, but to encourage me in a Godly way. His words were more powerful than he probably realized, which seems to be typical for a lot of men (to not take their own words as seriously as the woman does.;)
The other day, I had a man tell me, "I believe when your heart is right your heart is right." He may not have liked my response, but I just don't agree with that statement. The heart is very deceiving. At different points I have thought my heart was right with every guy I've dated, whether it was just a fling for a few weeks or a "serious" relationship that lasted a few years.. and where are those men now? What happened to my heart being right? Turns out, it wasn't. I will never follow my heart again. In fact, any time I start to get butterflies for a man I am almost immediately scared away from the thought of it blossoming into anything. Part of that may have to do with the last heart break I went through which left a greater impact on me than even my divorce. But most of it has to do with my unwillingness to let any man get between me and God ever again. I know my own heart, my desires, my weaknesses, etc. and I have been so close with my Lord lately that I don't want ANYONE to come between that! I believe when the time is right, God will give me a peace about the right man which is why I've stated that I'm done doing the pursuing. The man will come to me, I won't go to him. Until then, I just want to keep my eyes on Jesus and learn how to overcome these stupid girly feelings better and better, whenever they begin to flare up. I don't want a man who makes the promise, "I'll take care of you." I want a man who makes the promise, "I'll lift you up to God every day, and pray that He makes me the man He has called me to be for you." In other words, I don't want a man who takes all of the credit for being my hero, but rather, gives God all of the credit for every step of our relationship.

"Blessed is the man who perseveres under trial, because when he has stood the test, he will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him. When tempted, no one should say, "God is tempting me." For God cannot be tempted by evil, nor does he tempt anyone; but each one is tempted when, by his own evil desire, he is dragged away and enticed." James 1:12-14

Finally, I'm so grateful to have a couple of my female friends holding me accountable over all of this. We need each other! We really do.
---
BLESS THE BROKEN ROAD
by Rascal Flatts
(the song I will some day sing for my husband)


- Rascal Flatts Lyrics

Happily Taken!

Wow.... God is so amazing! I can't openly talk about the certain situation I find myself in at this point, but I can say that it's really awesome to look back and realize that some specific encounters, experiences, and actions that took place are all coming together. At the time that I felt the Lord calling me to take action in one way or another, I had no idea it would lead up to this! But even in my blindness I put my faith in Him and I obeyed. I don't have the ability to see the future or to know whether this will end on a happy note or a sad one, but I am already at peace with knowing that I clearly heard His calling and obeyed. I believe in the power of God, I believe He can unharden hearts, I believe He can heal all wounds, and I believe He is in control of each and every one of our lives, whether we like it or not. I am so astounded by my Lord that I absolutely had to take time out from studying to write this blog. I wish that I could go into details, but for that I must wait on the Lord. All I ask is that everyone who reads this begins to pray for me, and for my family. I need patience, wisdom, discernment, strength, endurance, so on and so forth. Please, before reading any further, stop and say a prayer for me...

On a topic that is totally unrelated, it is obvious from my most recent posts that it's been pressing on my heart to share the truth with other single women about waiting on God for the right man. I've struggled with this from the time I was a young teenager to now. It still is a constant battle within my heart. Naturally, us women desire to be loved by a man and if we are christian, generally we long for that man to be a Godly one. None of this is wrong, it is how God designed us. But I would say that 9.999 out of 10 women have a tendency to take control of that desire rather than placing it in God's hands. We go searching for our "husband" rather than letting God bring Him to us. To be completely honest, I attend a church group that is full of young, attractive men. As I've grown to know most of them, I also see their hearts for God which makes them even more attractive. As typical women, I have engaged in conversation with some of the other females in our group regarding this very subject. I have never experienced a setting quite like this; where all of us females can agree that certain men are attractive, but we don't fight over them. We all understand each other, but for the most part we have peace that God will choose the right partner for us. Still, it is so important that we keep ourselves in check on a daily, hourly, minute-by-minute basis. Are our hearts in the right place? Do we go to church to seek men or to seek God? Are we dressing ourselves up to be beautiful in the presence of the Lord or in the presence of men? I would even go as far as to ask, are we quoting scripture, serving others, raising our hands in song and worship, etc. in order to attract our Heavenly Father or a Godly man? I say "we" because I fully admit to temptations of such sorts. I wouldn't be female if I didn't fall under that category. But then I am reminded, the Lord is the true love of my life. Just because I can't see Him as easily as I can see men doesn't mean He isn't present in my life. No man could love me, protect me, provide for me, secure me, or do anything as perfectly as my Knight in Shining Armor; Jesus Christ. Every moment that my eyes are looking towards God, I have the strength to tell all the women in this world, "You can have that guy, I am perfectly happy and content with God!" Jealousy, competition, and bitterness no longer control me. I am set in God's ways. I want so badly to share this feeling with my sisters! Whenever I notice *our* eyes wandering, I want to redirect them towards God. My heart desires to begin a ministry, some how, for women. I know that if it's God putting it on my heart He will open the doors for me.

I re-read my first journal entry in my book Lady In Waiting, and I want to share it with you:

"Day 1 - June 23, 2009 - 1:30am - Location: Blairsville, GA (I was on vacation with my family)

I have always had the desire to be submissive to a Godly man in a relationship and wondered why, when it seemed I was almost at that point with a man, I suddenly lost my desire to allow him to be the head of our relationship? But now I have been shown clearly how much I lacked that same desire for God in my life. Until I can learn to be submissive to God I will never have the right heart to fully trust a man, much less to find the right man. It is all in God's hands and I have not humbled myself unto Him as I should. I still attempt to control my own life and relationships... O Lord, I pray for your love to surround me as I seek you in my life, that I might not let go this time, but only grow stronger. Knock me to my knees and sweep me off my feet completely; carry me. Humble me in your sight, Lord, and allow others to see this positive change in me and to want it for them too."

Ladies, the temptation to "size up" men in our lives will probably always be there, but with God all things are possible to overcome. Seek the Lord, and ask Him for control over your feelings and emotions. Likewise, pray for a different perspective on the men in your life. Instead of viewing all of them as potential husbands, begin to look at them as what they truly are; a son of God, our brothers. When the time is right, God will change your heart for the ONE and ONLY right man.

Choose this path: "Delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart."Psalm 37:4

Rather than this path: "...God gave them over in the sinful desires of their hearts to sexual impurity for the degrading of their bodies with one another. They exchanged the truth of God for a lie, and worshiped and served created things [MAN] rather than the Creator [GOD]—who is forever praised. Amen."Romans 1:24-25

A Renewed Heart Made Whole

As I've been growing more in the Lord my standards for dating have become even higher. I thought that the list I posted a few months ago was as high as it could get, but since then I've discovered more to be added to my list. It's good to refresh ourselves like this.
As usual, I was reading my new favorite book Lady In Waiting this morning, and once again, the Lord assured me that He was present in my life.

"... The issue of standards is most relevant, but may seem simplistic. We acknowledge that some women find it difficult to raise their standards and change their patterns because they are still entangled in the past. Unresolved conflicts with a father, brother, or an ex-boyfriend may overshadow and control the attraction to Bozos. In this case we suggest a possible date fast, a period of time during which you refrain from accepting another date until you can sort out some of the unresolved conflicts from the past. This method has been used by many single women who have been entangled with old dating patterns. During the "date fast," they find time to search for new ways of relating and dating biblically..."

AMEN to all of that! Although I am ahead of this paragraph (already 4 months into my dating fast and still going strong--time flies!), it was a great affirmation that I am on the right track. Likewise, it was an encouragement for me to be reminded that I am not sailing this "broken heart" ship across the waters on my own--there are plenty of other females on the ship with me (men get their own ship), and our Lord God is the captain of it. Following our Lord's course will bring us to the healing waters where our "Boaz" (rather than "Bozo") will find us. After all, we know that typically if a bunch of women were left in a boat to fend for themselves, they'd end up sinking... that same basic idea goes for women in the dating scenario. When we try to control our love life, we end up sinking. If we just let God control it we would not have to put even half of the effort into working for it as we have in our past, unhealthy relationships.

"... Do you want to marry a knight in shining armor? Then set your standards high. To be married to a man who loves the Lord and wants to serve Him is one of life's highest privileges. It is worth whatever wait, whatever cost. Nail down your convictions and refuse to compromise by dating men who are not controlled by God's Holy Spirit. These standards will stand guard over the castle of your heart. Proverbs 4:23 says, "Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life..."

On that note, here is my updated list (in no particular order) [for anybody who does not have a Bible but is curious to look up these verses, go to BibleGateway.com]:


I WANT:

*To be respectfully pursued by a Godly man; I will no longer do the pursuing (the "hunt" is over). (Ruth 3:10-11)
*To watch love grow between me and a friend, not someone I just met. (Proverbs 17:17)
*To be truly loved (the "RIGHT" way) and to learn to respect a man better. (Ephesians 5:33)
*To have a man who will take time out to study the word and pray with me so we can grow spiritually together. (Matthew 18:19-20)
*To be equally yoked.(2 Corinthians 6:14-15)
*Someone who will do service for others and go on mission trips with me; he puts the needs of others ahead of his own (Philippians 2:3-4).
*A man whose life reflects the joy of the Lord rather than the burdens of being a Christian (John 15:11).
*To be admired for the woman I am on the inside, not on the outside. (1 Peter 3:2-5, 1 Sam. 16:7)
*To get out and do things! Reserving money is essential, but quality time is important too. And that's not just sitting in the living room doing nothing all day.
*Someone who is truly committed, and once I am made a priority in their life I will remain in that spot, not allowing others to come before me (not including God who must be made first in his life--see below). (Ezekiel 14:2-4)
*Someone who makes God top priority in his life, above everything and everyone, including myself... I know I'm repeating myself, but I'm emphasizing the importance of it! (Proverbs 3:6)
*A man who follows through on his God-given responsibilities (1 Corinthians 4:2).
*A man who understands the depth of feelings and emotions (Colossians 3:12).
*A man who will not take advantage of my son's love. His love is one of the greatest blessings in life; not one to be tampered with. (Matthew 18:3-4)
*Someone who will walk with me even when I make mistakes, understanding that they make mistakes as well and I will continue to walk by their side too. (Romans 3:22-24, Proverbs 17:17-18)
*A man who wants to share his life with me rather than replace me with new and exciting things that come his way. (Mark 10:7-9)
*A man of humility. (2 Chronicles 7:14, Psalm 25:9)
*Someone who isn't afraid to love me and knows he can trust me.(1 Corinthians 13:7)
*A Spiritual Leader. (Ephesians 5:22-24)
*Someone who stands for what is right, even if it's against his own friends and family with no exception for myself. He hates anything contrary to God's Holy character, including the subtle things and not just the obvious. (Romans 2:9-10)
*A man who will love me as Christ loved the Church. (Ephesians 5:25, 28-29)
*A man who will help me raise my son/children with the same values and morals that I believe in, understanding that the example they set is the strongest influence they could have on the child. (Proverbs 22:6, Ephesians 6:4)
*A man who will still look into my eyes with much love and admiration 10, 25, and 50 years after being together. (1 Corinthians 13:8,13)
*Someone who is beyond the stage of "finding themselves." That's doesn't mean they have to be set in their long-term career, sure of where they will live, or already own a house, etc--those things are led by God and could be changed at any point in a person's life. However, they must be sure that they are mature and responsible enough for a relationship before already making the commitment; in other words, he needs to be 100% sure of whether my son and I fit into his life BEFORE letting us in. I will not stand for my son's heart to be broken again. (Proverbs 20:24-25)
*Someone who means it when he says "forever." (Ecclesiastes 5:4-6)
*Someone who doesn't lose faith in us and always fights for our relationship along with me, no matter how challenging it may get. (1 Corinthians 13:7)
*Someone who doesn't try to make me feel guilty every time I'm hurt, or consciously provoke me to be even more upset. (Hebrews 10:24)
*A man who will always keep open communication with me, so that I can learn how to give him what he needs from me better. (Proverbs 18:2)
*Support and encouragement. (1 Thessalonians 5:11)
*Someone who lifts me up in prayer every day, throughout the day, and on his own, free will (not out of obligation, but out of love and true concern for my well-being). (James 5:16)
*A loyal man. (Proverbs 18:24)
*Someone who doesn't let distance or time break us, should it ever become an issue. (Genesis 31:49, Joshua 1:9)
*Someone who values the family God gave him; is content and does not look for more than what the Lord has blessed Him with. (Ecclesiastes 5:18-20)
*A man who flees temptations to compromises, and encourages me to do the same (Proverbs 25:28).
*A man who truly listens to me; demonstrates that he pays attention to my wants and needs. Whether he can provide them for me is not the point--what matters is that he cares about my life, dreams, goals, etc. just as much as his own. (1 Timothy 5:8)
*A man who will hold me accountable for my own actions, temptations, behavior, sins, etc. (Galatians 6:1-2)
*A man who accepts that I'm not a very good cook, but I try. (:
*Someone who has a true relationship with God, spending time alone with Him on a daily basis. (1 Thessalonians 5:16-18)
*A man of prayer. (Matthew 21:21-22)
*An imperfect man who tries to be as perfect and blameless in the sight of God. (Mark 10:18, 2 Peter 3:14)
*A man who believes that "divorce" is not a word in his vocabulary. (Malachi 2:16)

I *DON'T* WANT:

*A man to use my son as a way to get to my heart, it's a turn off. (Colossians 3:22-25)
*Someone willing to break mine and my son's heart in order to save himself from heartache. (Proverbs 18:1, Philippians 2:3-4, James 3:14-16)
*A man who makes promises without fulfillment. (Psalm 15:4)
*Someone who holds grudges. (Leviticus 19:18)
*A man full of pride for himself. (James 4:6, Proverbs 8:13, Proverbs 11:2, Proverbs 13:10, Proverbs 16:18, Proverbs 21:24, Proverbs 29:23)
*To be treated as a piece of meat. (Matthew 5:28)
*To have to compete for his attention.
*A man who drinks, not even socially. (Proverbs 20:1)
*Anyone who thinks "boys will be boys" is an okay motto to live by.
*A man who pursues other women at the same time that he is pursuing me, no matter how great or small the degree of the pursuance. He's either interested in me or someone else, but he can't be interested in both/all of us. It is a sign of immaturity, insecurity, lack of trust for God, and it leaves no room for the Lord to provide answers about one woman when he sets his eyes on multiple women. This also gives me, as a woman, a warning that the man may not be faithful/loyal. To put it bluntly, this clues me in that the man could be a player and not interested in either woman for the right reason, though he may have himself deceived that leaving his options open is okay and shouldn't be offensive to any of the women involved. (Ephesians 4:17-25, 1 Thessalonians 4:2-7)
*A man who takes the Lord's name in vain, both verbally and in the way he lives his life (i.e. claims the name of Christ but does not put 100% into trying to live a Christian life). (Matthew 15:8-9)
*A man who believes He is holier than others, regardless of how long He has been in the faith or what position He holds in the church. (Mark 10:18)
*Someone who is hasty to take advice, even from family and friends, without challenging it biblically to see whether the advice is holy or destructive. In other words, a man who trusts unwise counsel even from fellow Christians, and will follow after a wolf in sheep's clothing without questioning. Obviously I understand that we all make mistakes/wrong choices, but the point is that he must be slow and careful to receiving anybody's advice no matter how "right" it may seem. (Proverbs 12:15-16, Proverbs 14:7-8&15, Proverbs 16:1-2, 8-9,&16-25, Proverbs 27:5-6, &8-14, Acts 20:28-31, Romans 16:17-18, 1 Corinthians 3:1-3, Matthew 7:15-23, Mark10:7-9)
*A man who doesn't make an effort to take time out for me; that's not to say he must spend his entire time devoted to me. However, a successful relationship requires a certain level of priority which in turn requires some invested time. (1 Peter 3:7)
*A man who shares our personal issues with all of his friends and family (Proverbs 16:28, *20:19,* Matthew 18:15)

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I'M NOT WHO I WAS
by Brandon Heath


I wish you could see me now
I wish I could show you how
I'm not who I was
I used to be mad at you
A little on the hurt side too
But I'm not who I was

I found my way around
To forgiving you
Some time ago
But I never got to tell you so

I found us in a photograph
I saw me and I had to laugh
You know, I'm not who I was
You were there, you were right above me
And I wonder if you ever loved me
Just for who I was

When the pain came back again
Like a bitter friend
It was all that I could do
To keep myself from blaming you

I reckon it's a funny thing
I figured out I can sing
Now I'm not who I was
I write about love and such
Maybe 'cause I want it so much
I'm not who I was

I was thinking maybe I
I should let you know
I am not the same
But I never did forget your name
Hello

Well the thing I find most amazing
In amazing grace
Is the chance to give it out
Maybe that's what love is all about

I wish you could see me now
I wish I could show you how
I'm not who I was

(In)secure Love

Reading this section came to me at the perfect time (earlier this week), enough said. This is, once again, from a book called Lady In Waiting by Jackie Kendall

Chapter 7 - "Lady of Security"

"Then he [Boaz] said, 'May you be blessed of the Lord, my daughter. You have shown your last kindness to be better thant he first by not going after young men, whether poor or rich. Now, my daughter, do not fear. I will do for you whatever you ask, for all my people in the city know that you are a woman of excellence." Ruth 3:10-11

Ruth--single, young, and widowed--must have experienced the lonely longings for the warmth of a husband. But she lived in victory over the desire to "man hunt." Istead of "going after the boys," she sat still and let God bring her prince to her. She was a Lady of Security.

FEELINGS OF INSECURITY

Why do women tend to "go after the guys"? Why do women experience difficulty being still and waiting for the man to initiate and develop the relationship? You find the answer in one word: insecurity. An insecure woman has her world centered on something (marriage) or someone (Mr. Right) that can be lost or taken away. Insecurity keeps a woman from experiencing consistent joy even within a relationship because a man cannot provide security, only God can.

Insecurity causes you to cling to a relationship. You feel a lack of confidence unless you have a man. When he is not with you, you fear he will not come back or call again. You want him to make a commitment so you will not lose him. You want all his time and attention. All your dreams, plans, and goals revolve around him. Insecurity in a relationship can cause jealousy and bickering. It makes you lose your confidence when he looks at another woman. You want to know his plans and with whom he spends his time. You don't want him to be around other interesting or attractive women; you feel threatened when he is.

Insecurity can cause you to be demanding and have unrealistic expectations of your relationship. When he hurts or dissapoints you, you can be upset for days. You live with the fear of doing the wrong thing and losing him. You constantly feel the need to "define" your relationship and talk about your love for each other. You feel that you must show your love for him in greater and greater ways.

Insecurity fills the relationship with frustration and worry. You think, "I can't live with or without him!" You find yourself scheming to keep him...

BELIEVING A LIE

Why do women feel they have to go after men? Many women have believed a lie. They think, "I must get the best for myself because God may not give it to me." What do you think would have been the outcome of Ruth's life if she had chosen to believe this lie? Would she have returned home with Orpah and married one of the local guys? Would she have followed Naomi to a new land, but taken control of her own destiny in choosing a mate to care for herself and her mother-in-law? With these poor choices, her life of blessing and joy found in Boaz would not have happened and we would have missed the blessing of a book such as Ruth.

Ladies, God gives you the choice between His plans and yours. In the midst of her circumstances, Ruth could not have possibly seen that a man like Boaz would one day be her prince. Neither can you with your limited perspective see who or where your prince will be. Only God has all things in view. Are you trying to control your own life? Are you making plans for your life that only God should make? Don't settle for less than God's best. Surrender the terrible burden of always needing life on your terms. Don't look back one day and regret that you made your "life mate" choice from a limited perspective because you longed for the security of a relationship. God can and will give you His best if you wait for it.

MANIPULATION AND MANEUVERING

When you see a woman going after the guys, you probably don't immediately say, "Yes, I see that she really is insecure!" Insecurity dwells in the heart. What you see outwardly is a woman's age-old ability to manipulate and maneuver. When a woman manipulates a situation, she feels personal satisfaction because she believes she is in control...

Manipulation and maneuvering can also take the form of serving as a "surrogate (substitute) helpmeet." Many women want to marry as badly as they want to go to Heaven. They long to care for a man, so they run around tying to find at least a "generic" version of the real thing. These precious (but deceived) women constantly look for a man with a need and pounce on that need in hopes of eventually winning the affection of the man. Any male in need irresistibly attracts them...

MOTIVE CHECK

This is not to say that you cannot do nice things for a man; it is simply a warning to check your motives. A woman with selfish motivation mentally plots the next maneuver to capture the attention of the man of her dreams. Before you go to another activity to spend time with the available guys, as you check your hair and makeup and teeth, give yourself a thorough "heart flossing." Ask the Lord to reveal any impure motive that resides in your heart. Before you bake one more thing for a brother or purchase one more book or meaningful card, be very careful to check your motive and honestly respond to whatever the Lord shows you. You can save yourself many tears and much frustration if you are just willing to do a regular "motive check" on your heart.

To keep your motives pure, check them daily. Proverbs 16:2 says, "All a man's ways seem innocent to him, but motives are weighed by the Lord."

Manipulation and maneuvering can be deadly. If you maneuver to get a man, you will have to maneuver to keep him! This is not implying that there is no work involved in a good relationship, but there is a huge difference between working and maneuvering. You recognize the difference between the two by discerning your motives. Refuse to be a member of the M/M (Manipulation and Maneuvering) Team!

Kisses For My Man

I love my morning time with God, and after this morning I knew I had to write a blog because I'm filled with so much peace and happiness right now. As many of you know, I've been struggling with letting go of past relationships for the last few months. I have prayed numerous times, literally on my knees and my face, pouring my heart out for God to take this pain away from me (as well as my son). We've had better days and worse days but I never let go of God and always trusted that He would work things out for both Gabe and I for the better, however that may be.
In the past week my heart has gradually let go of what I've been needing to let go of for a while. I can't explain why or how, but I do know that God's timing is perfect and He had a reason for waiting until this week to begin the healing process for me. My eyes have been opened to a lot of things and I've grown wiser about the situation. I am not filled with sorrow, I'm no longer scared to let go, and I am excited to see what God has planned for me next though I will wait patiently on Him. It is also a relief to see my son letting go, which makes the process for me a lot easier to accept. I still believe that if God willed it, it would happen. But I now see that there is a lot of growth that must develop first before that could ever happen and I'm not going to continue sitting around waiting to see if it will.
As I was reading in my book "Lady In Waiting" this morning, some really great verses popped out at me that I felt like sharing. I pray that they speak to you in whatever you're going through like they did to me.

"I want to know Christ and the power of his resurrection and the fellowship of sharing in his sufferings, becoming like him in his death, and so, some how, to attain to the resurrection from the dead. Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already been made perfect, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus. All of us who are mature should take such a view of things. And if on some point you think differently, that too God will make clear to you. Only let us live up to what we have already attained." Philippians 3:10-16

"...But you have burdened me with your sins and wearied me with your offenses. I, even I, am he who blots out your transgressions, for my own sake, and remembers your sins no more. Review the past for me, let us argue the matter together; state the case of your innocence." Isaiah 43:24-26

"Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider him who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart. In your struggle against sin, you have not yet resisted to the point of shedding your blood. And you have forgotten that word of encouragement that addresses you as sons: "My son, do not make light of the Lord's discipline, and do not lose heart when he rebukes you, because the Lord disciplines those he loves, and he punishes everyone he accepts as a son." Endure hardship as discipline; God is treating you as sons. For what son is not disciplined (and everyone undergoes discipline), then you are illegitimate children and not true sons... No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it. Therefore, strengthen your feeble arms and weak knees." Hebrews 12:1-8, 11-12

"Do not be misled: "Bad company corrupts good character." Come back to your senses as you ought, and stop sinning; for there are some who are ignorant of God - I say this to your shame." 1 Corinthians 15:33-34

Finally, as one of our "homework projects" in the book, my assignment this morning was to "Write out what a kiss means to you. What are you wanting to say when you kiss a man? Is there any other way to say this? How could adding physical affection to a friendship limit communication-building?" I didn't answer this word-for-word, but I did write out my thoughts about kissing. Ladies, I thought you might appreciate reading what I wrote and could possibly relate and add to it via comments on my facebook posting. Men, I figured you may appreciate understanding what goes on in a woman's mind sometimes, if you truly care to know.;)

"Even though I have failed my own values I still believe that a kiss should not be given to just anybody; it is a sign of deep affection between a man and woman. A kiss must be trusted to the receiver, not to take the love it holds for granted. Every kiss that I have given has been taken for granted. For if it wasn't, I would still have that man to kiss today. Too many people throw kisses around that it has lost its value for many, even I have been found guilty of that. But God created it to be a passionate and sincere action, to show love to our brothers, our sisters, our parents, our children, our friends, and especially our spouse. When I kiss my husband some day, I will be showing him my loyalty and trust for him. In just one kiss, I will feel safe and secure with him. I have felt this with more than one man already, which shows how misleading a kiss can be if it is not led by God. In order to avoid making that same heart breaking mistake again, from now on I will entrust my heart to God and not to a man. I will save all of my kisses for the man whom God has revealed to me as the one that I share my life with. And when he kisses me, he will feel the same fire that I do and he'll never have the desire to kiss another woman again because our love will be centered around the Lord our God and not our lustful flesh."

We Still Must Make Sacrifices

I have been wanting to post about the sermon I heard last weekend, but school has kept me tangled up. Even now I'm having to set some studying aside in order to write this but I felt like I need to stop putting it off.
The message I heard was powerful. At least it spoke directly to my heart about a lot of things. It really gave me a new perspective on some things in my own life, and hopefully it will do the same for those of you reading this. I'll just copy the outline from my notes and hopefully you will able to follow along with it:

sermon: PREFER ONE ANOTHER

"Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good. Be devoted to one another in brotherly love. Honor one another above yourselves." Romans 12:9-10

I) THE ATTITUDE OF PREFERING ONE ANOTHER

A) Prioritizing others - stop being selfish, self-centered, self-focused
1 Pet 4:10: "Each one should use whatever gift he has received to serve others, faithfully administering God's grace in its various forms."
Proverbs 11:24-25: "One man gives freely, yet gains even more; another withholds unduly, but coes to poverty. A generous man will prosper; he who refreshes other will himself be refreshed."
Matthew 7:12: "So in evertyhing, do to others what you would have them do to you, for this sums up the Law and the Prophets."
1 Cor 10:23-24: "'Everything is permissable' - but no everything is beneficial. 'Everything is permissible' - but not everything is constructive. Nobody should seek his own good, but the good of others."
Ephesians 4:29 & 32: "Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen... Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forigiving each other, just as Christ God forgave you."
Philippians 2:1-11, key is verses 3-5: "Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others. Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus."

B) Dying to ourselves - get over ourselves
1 John 3:16 & 18: "This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down his life for us. And we ought to lay down our lives for our brothers... Dear children, let us not love with words or tongue but with actions and in truth."

also read John 13:1-5

C) Enjoy a healthy self-image - be balanced in your life.
How to maintain a healthy self-image:
1)Be comfortable in who you are IN JESUS CHRIST
2)Be confident in your relationship WITH JESUS CHRIST
3)Be secure in your FUTURE

II) THE ACTIONS OF PREFERING ONE ANOTHER

1) Be a listener and a learner.

2) Become PEOPLE oriented instead of TASK oriented.
William Gladstone, prime minister of the UK, began dating a woman and invited her to escort him to a party. At this party, he got caught up in discussing business with other people so much that he ended up asking his friend Benjamin Disraeli to make sure that his girlfriend gets home safely. Naturally, not long after the night that Benjamin drove this woman home, she ended her relationship with William and began dating Benjamin; a man who listened to her and made an extra effort to pay attention to her. When asked what made her choose to switch the guy she was dating, she answered, "With William, all I could think was, 'what a lucky guy he is!' But with Benjamin, all I could think was, 'what a lucky girl I am!'

3) Gain the rewards.
James 4:10: "Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will lift you up."

"The best growth God gives us is through our sacrifices for others."

Communicating With God

I wouldn't call myself a Woman of Prayer because I know a few "Women of Prayer" and I feel as though I could never come close to comparing to them. However, I will say that prayer is such a key part of my life and it seems to grow more and more essential, day by day. I can see such a difference between one day where I didn't do much praying if any at all, and a day that I spent most of my time praying. It really does make such a difference; prayer gives us hope, peace, love, appreciation, and so much more.

What exactly is prayer? Some may say it's just a ritual that we "Christians" follow in our religion. To be fair, some denominations do make prayer more of a ritual than what it is meant to be. Prayer is communication between us and God. It is the essence of our relationship with the Holy Father! Studying God's truth is extremely important, but we can't always stop what we're doing to read the Bible... Well, some people have the new Bible application on their iPhones so maybe they can, but for poor folks like me we can't stop in the middle of the grocery store and crack open our Bible's that we left at home or in the car, and just start studying away. Prayer, however, can be carried with us anywhere and everywhere we go. In the middle of a restaurant, I can pray. In the middle of school, I can pray. In the car while I'm driving, I can most definitely pray. And technically, nobody can take that right away from me. People may try, they may create laws that prohibit it, but they can't control my heart, my mind, and my spirit and that's where prayer is truly hidden, protected from sin. It isn't so much about the words that flow off your lips or the way your hands are folded, much less whether your eyes are opened or closed (if you pray in the car like me, I hope that you keep your eyes open). Prayer is an act of giving your heart to Christ. Whatever is weighing on it, you are freely handing it over to God and putting your faith in Him to take care of the rest.

If you don't have a relationship with God built on prayer, you won't understand the true depth of it. The acts of prayer are so broad, it is really interesting to see how God makes it possible for us to pray to Him in any given situation. If you feel the need to pray, there is always a way.

"And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the saints." Ephesians 6:18

"Pray continually." 1 Thessalonians 5:17, the King James Version says to "Pray without ceasing," meaning, don't stop praying. How do we consciously pray 24/7 non-stop? By submitting our hearts to God and always putting our faith in Him to guide and direct us. But there is a time and place for more solemn prayer. For example, if a friend is deathly ill and/or they don't know Jesus Christ as their Savior. Sure, God hears the simple, quick, and to-the-point prayers: "Lord, please show (friend's name) your power so that he/she may believe. Amen." But if you love that friend and really want to see them come to know the Lord, wouldn't you want to spend some extra time with God, selflessly lifting up your loved one to Him?

To me, prayer is not only a way of asking God for something. Prayer is my "phone call" to God. When I call a friend to pour my heart out to them, almost every time it is just therapy for me to get it all out so that I can hear for myself what is actually weighing on my heart. A lot of times I don't even need my friend to respond with advice, I just need an ear. God is so good and faithful to be that friend to us always, around the clock. At 4am, if you need a friend to talk to guess who is already awake with you. He is a great listener! But more importantly, He does talk back to us. Perhaps not in a voice that we can hear with worldy ears, but He does speak directly to our hearts. Many times I have been in a worked up state of emotions but as I turned to God I was overwhelmed with a calmed spirit. That's one way He talks to me; by controlling my emotions (woman may especially understand what a miracle that can be at times). Another way is through scripture. It never fails that when I pray for the Lord to speak to me about something specific, the next time I open the word or go to church, verses are flying at me that pertain to exactly what I requested. I shouldn't say "next time," because God does work in His own time table. There have been times that He made me wait for an answer, but His timing is perfect and there is always a reason that He chooses for us to wait. "Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." Philippians 4:6-7

If you don't pray at all or often enough, I really encourage you to give it a try. Open you heart to God. It's okay to "test the waters." In it, you will find that your trial run has turned into faith. But you have to be completely open to letting Him prove Himself to you, for as long as you don't believe you will not find Him.

I feel like I haven't done a good enough job explaining myself. Then again, prayer is one of those things that run so deeply that you really have to experience it for yourself to truly understand it. Much like being in love, it's one of those things you can't understand until you're living it.

Finally, I'll leave you with some ideas that have kept me devoted to prayer and strengthens me even more:

*I'm exactly 50% Visual and 50% Auditory on learning. In other words, I learn/communicate best by seeing and hearing things. So for me, praying silently doesn't work too well unless it's one of those short prayers I mentioned earlier. When I try praying quietly I always end up losing my focus and start creating a to do list in my mind or day dreaming about my future husband, rather than talking to God. In order to avoid distractions, I keep a prayer journal. When I have the chance to, I write my prayers out in a notebook. This uses my visual learning style and it really does help me to stay focused. It also gives me more time to think about what I'm truly seeking God for. If I'm in the middle of doing something that keeps me from being able to write, I practice my auditory learning style by praying out loud. People must think I'm crazy when they drive past my car, because often times I am having a conversation with God.

*Listen to praise and worship music. This is like singing your praises to God, it's a musical way to communicate with Him. "Praise him with the sounding of the trumpet, praise him with the harp and lyre, praise him with tambourine and dancing, praise him with the strings and flute. praise him with the clash of cymbals, praise him with resounding cymbals. Let everything that has breath praise the Lord." Psalm 150:3-6

*If you like reading, I recommend you check out "The Power of Praying" series written by Stormie Omartian. I have read two of her books, "The Power of a Praying Wife" and "The Power of a Praying Parent," both are excellent. I continue to read through the Praying Parent book and always will. If I ever get into another relationship, I will continue reading the Praying Wife book as it was not only good for married couples but for dating couples as well. I recently purchased "The Power of a Praying Woman Bible" which is NIV with side notes throughout the Bible for guidance on how to pray about a particular subject. Stormie's husband, Michael, has also written a few books, such as "The Power of a Praying Husband."

*If you're like me, you feel stuck at times about what to pray for. "In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us..."Romans 8:26 First and foremost, a lot of times if you begin your prayer asking God for guidance in what to pray for, He will reveal it to you. Another thing that has helped me which I started a few years ago after going to one of Jackie Kennedy's seminars, is to create a prayer book. Take blank flash cards and on each one, write a certain person's name or subject that you should pray for and if you prefer, write the details of what you should pray for them. Put the index cards in a small 4x6 photo album and you have yourself a prayer book. Each morning or whenever, open the book, flip to the subject that is weighing most on your heart, and begin praying! This also helps to keep your prayer life structured.

*If you are a parent, try to wake up before your children do so that you can assure yourself alone time with God to pray but also pray with your children. My son is only 3 and I have already caught him praying on his own a few times because I also pray with him. If you work, set your alarm clock at least a half hour earlier than usual so that you can start your day out in prayer before heading into the world. If you're married or in a serious relationship, PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE pray together! Make it a priority. Do not rely on your significant other for prayer, though. Spend your time separately with God, but definitely make a point to pray together as well as FOR each other.

*Most importantly, stay committed. Believe me when I say prayer changes lives. But once you start, you shouldn't stop because just as it increased your life, ceasing to pray can decrease your life. I know this from experience.

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LIFE MEANS SO MUCH
by Chris Rice

Every day is a journal page
Every man holds a quill and ink
And there's plenty of room for writing in
All we do is believe and think
So will you compose a curse
Or will today bring the blessing
Fill the page with rhyming verse
Or some random sketching

Teach us to count the days
Teach us to make the days count
Lead us in better ways
That somehow our souls forgot
Life means so much
Life means so much
Life means so much

Every day is a bank account
And time is our currency
So nobody's rich, nobody's poor
We get 24 hours each
So how are you gonna spend
Will you invest, or squander
Try to get ahead
Or help someone who's under

Teach us to count the days
Teach us to make the days count
Lead us in better ways
That somehow our souls forgot
Life means so much
Life means so much
Life means so much

Has anybody ever lived who knew the value of a life
And don't you think giving is all
What proves the worth of yours and mine

Teach us to count the days
Teach us to make the days count
Lead us in better ways
That somehow our souls forgot
Life means so much

Every day is a gift you've been given
Make the most of the time every minute you're living

Where's The Love?

I just finished watching A Walk To Remember which is one of my favorite chick flicks. A few tears later I found myself reflecting on the excellent Bible Study 6 of us women had last night. We had a wonderful talk about our female emotions, feelings, etc. and how God designed us specifically that way. I've been piecing together some of the things that were said in order to summarize everything up in my head.

"The Lord God said, 'It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him...' So the man gave names to all the livestock, the birds of the air and all the beasts of the field. But for Adam no suitable helper was found. So the Lord God caused the man to fall into a deep sleep; and while he was sleeping, he took one of the man's ribs and closed up the place with flesh. Then the Lord God made a woman from the rib he had taken out of the man, and he brought her to the man. The man said, 'This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called 'woman,'' for she was taken out of man. For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh." Gen 2:20-24

In the beginning of the word, at the beginning of creation, our role as women was very clearly stated. We were placed on this earth to be man's helper. That does not mean we should be slaves, mistreated, used for pleasure, etc. But when you think about it, that explains why men have the desires for women that they do. Unfortunately, this sinful world has taught both men AND women that respect is not necessary so long as pleasure is being fulfilled which is where "one night stands," "home wreckers," etc. derive from. What a selfish world this has become but a what a beautiful thing God originally created that we can still achieve in our own personal lives if we truly seek a Godly love.

To some women, the thought of belonging on earth for man's sake is degrading. To me, there is nothing more romantic. Don't get me wrong, CLEARLY I don't believe a woman's place is only in the kitchen, barefoot and pregnant. Otherwise I wouldn't be working my butt off to get through college right now. But our ultimate purpose for existing is to serve our men while they protect God's world. Again, this does not mean women can't have their own ministry for God's people across the world. Otherwise I wouldn't be praying for a chance to go on mission trips at some point in my life. But the greatest ministry that God gave us as soon as He created us was to serve our husbands and our family. This is one of the most important and hardest jobs that exist on earth.

"...She opens her arms to the poor and extends her hands to the needy. When it snows, she has no fear for her household;for all of them are clothed in scarlet... Her husband is respected at the city gate... She makes linen garments and sells them, and supplies the merchants with sashes. She is clothed with strength and dignity; she can laugh at the days to come. She speaks with wisdom, and faithful instruction is on her tongue. She watches over the affairs of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness. Her children arise and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her: "Many women do noble things, but you surpass them all." Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised. Give her the reward she has earned, and let her works bring her praise at the city gate." Proverbs 31:20-31

For years I've been in love with Proverbs 31 and for years I've prayed that God would mold me into that woman. In writing, becoming like her may sound like a simple task to achieve but for me personally, it has been one of the greatest challenges of my life. Verse 10 asks the question, "who can find a noble wife?" In the King James version it calls her a "Virtuous Woman." It goes on to say that she is more valuable than rubies. If that doesn't say something about how rare and beautiful this woman is then I'm not sure what does.

Paul encourages people to remain single for as long as they can contain their sexual desires (1 Cor 7:8-9) so clearly I'm not claiming that women HAVE to get married and HAVE to have a family. God's purpose for each person is different. But the point is, our original purpose for our place on earth was to fulfill man's life. Therefore, because we were created like so we were also designed to react in certain ways, hope for certain feelings, want certain things, desire certain attention, and be filled with the strongest emotion of them all: LOVE!

I am always amused when men say they don't understand women. It's true, we are odd creatures who require detailed instructions in order to properly maintain us. If men would just READ THE MANUAL more often, they might not be so confused. More seriously, last night we touched on some pretty strong points about things that could come across silly but are truly very natural feelings for us. Within moderation, that is. The first point is that women like to feel as if they are the only person capable of changing their man's life. In other words, they want to feel like they made a life-changing difference in their significant other's world. The reason, I believe, stems back to the purpose God created us in the first place; Eve made a difference in Adam's life. That's not including when she ate the fruit and sinned. When we know we've touched a man's life for good then we know we did our job right. We want to feel like one certain man can't live without us after we've crossed his path. Unfortunately, some ladies may never be told how special they are by their own husband. Others may have more than one man tell them that, which can cause more confusion than good. But when the two are truly seeking God, they will know when that feeling is right. Have you ever noticed how "bad boys" always seem to get the girl? As a young lady, I chose to date those guys myself. The intentions behind it were pure, though I didn't understand it at the time. I saw clearly a *boy* who "needed me" and so I committed myself to being that special *girl* who would change his life forever, from bad to good. I was fulfilling a typical female fantasy. However, I was following my own heart rather than God's will and chose the wrong guys to devote my time to. In the end, I was the one who ended up changing me from good to bad.

Another good point made from last night's study was how we long for men to fall in love with the small and simple things about us. This shows us that they pay attention to every detail. For example, I never even knew I had "sunflowers" in my eyes until one man looked lovingly into them. Likewise, remembering what our favorite dessert is or what our life long dreams are make all the difference in a woman's heart. That's what I love so much about the movie that I watched today. Landon, the boy pursuing Mandy Moore's character, pours his heart and soul into fulfilling her wish list. It wasn't anything extravagant, but he took the time and effort to do them in order to make her feel special. Many relationships lose this flame after the first year or so of being together because they've grown comfortable with each other and the relationship has become second nature to them. But it really is critical to continue this one simple tradition in order to keep the woman's heart captivated. Meanwhile, the woman should pursue an interest in the man's hobbies too. Putting into practice this never-ending circle creates a firm foundation for a beautiful relationship.

I won't touch on all of the points we made last night because there were so many, but the final one I will mention is how a woman wants to feel like her man would give anything, including his life, in order to maintain her best interest. This sounds a little selfish, doesn't it? But it's not. It is very natural. I can't speak for every woman, but I think it's safe to say that MOST of us don't really want our men to kill themselves just to prove their love to us. It's the security we feel behind the thought of it that makes the difference. Knowing that he will put us before himself and devote his life to protecting us... wow, what love! Nothing melts a woman's heart more than feeling like the queen in her man's life. I have two friends that have been married for about 3 years and it feels like I'm reading a romance novel whenever I see their statuses on facebook. He talks about how much he enjoyed spending time with his wife all the time, and she talks about how lucky she is to have him. It makes me feel proud to call him my (adopted) brother! It also gives me hope for myself some day. If you have that kind of love be proud to share it for others! Set the example, Lord knows so many relationships out there need the encouragement.

Here's the cool part! Everything I touched on can be fulfilled in ever single woman (and man) instantaneously when they ask the Lord into their heart. He is the ultimate Prince Charming to ever exist. Don't feel as though you're nothing to God. Every person who devotes their life to serving Him makes a difference in God's heart. He longs for our love and devotion! He pays attention to every little detail about us. In fact, He is the one who created us just as we are, including the sunflowers in our eyes. He knows our heart's desires; our dreams, our needs, our wants and wishes, and He is capable of giving it to us ("Delight thyself also in the LORD: and he shall give thee the desires of thine heart."Psalm 37:4). More importantly, His love is so powerful that He in fact DID die for us! He will be the only man to make such a huge sacrifice for me which means that no one deserves my love and service as much as He does.

So all of you fellow single people, fear not. You're not alone if you accept the greatest love into your heart and allow God to be your one and only. All of your emptiness will be fulfilled. I believe that anyone who desires a marriage some day, God will bless in His timing. This means, from my experience, it will happen after you have first established your relationship with God and made a place for Him that no man or woman will ever be able to replace--no matter how deep your love for them goes. My favorite proverb is "A woman should be so lost in God that a man has to seek Him in order to find her." This is so true and so important for both the male and female gender. Where should the woman's heart be hidden BEFORE she is discovered by her lover? In God. Where should the man go first to find her? To God. Amen.

I had a male friend tell me this week that he is dating Jesus. I just thought that was the coolest thing to hear a guy say! It's so simple, yet so profound and humbling to hear a man confess. We all ought to have this attitude. I am and always will be content with my Lord and Savior. It is in His time that I will find my Boaz, and I will wait patiently for that day.

"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails..." 1 Corinthians 13:4-8

---

ONLY HOPE
by Mandy Moore

There's a song that's inside of my soul
It's the one that I've tried to write over and over again
I'm awake in the infinite cold
But you sing to me over and over and over again

So, I lay my head back down
And I lift my hands and pray
To be only yours, I pray, to be only yours
I know now you're my only hope

Sing to me the song of the stars
Of your galaxy dancing and laughing and laughing again
When it feels like my dreams are so far
Sing to me of the plans that you have for me over again

So I lay my head back down
And I lift my hands and pray
To be only yours, I pray, to be only yours
I know now, you're my only hope

I give you my destiny
I'm giving you all of me
I want your symphony, singing in all that I am
At the top of my lungs, I'm giving it back

So I lay my head back down
And I lift my hands and pray
To be only yours, I pray, to be only yours
I pray, to be only yours
I know now you're my only hope

No Need To Say Goodbye

THE CALL
by Regina Spektor
(from the Narnia: Prince Caspian move, which is one of the best)

It started out as a feeling
Which then grew into a hope
Which then turned into a quiet thought
Which then turned into a quiet word

And then that word grew louder and louder
'Til it was a battle cry

I'll come back
When you call me
No need to say goodbye

Just because everything's changing
Doesn't mean it's never
Been this way before

All you can do is try to know
Who your friends are
As you head off to the war

Pick a star on the dark horizon
And follow the light

You'll come back
When it's over
No need to say good bye

You'll come back
When it's over
No need to say good bye

Now we're back to the beginning
It's just a feeling and no one knows yet
But just because they can't feel it too
Doesn't mean that you have to forget

Let your memories grow stronger and stronger
'Til they're before your eyes

You'll come back
When they call you
No need to say good bye

You'll come back
When they call you
No need to say good bye

ANONYMOUS

This blog is for you, my #1 fan... I have had you on my mind ever since this weekend. I don't think you realize how much I love you, and how much my heart cries out for you. I see your tears. I know you hate to see me hurting, and just the same I hate to see you hurting. I see years of pain buried deep inside of you that I want so badly to fix. You are my sister, you have been there my entire life. Not too many people know me like you know me and not too many people can understand your pain like I understand you. I love you and I want to take away the damage that has been done but I am at a loss for words. Still, I will try my best to speak the Lord's words, not my own.
I know you believe in Jesus as your Savior and I know you know about God's love, but do you know about His forgiveness? Do you know that He DOES love you? Do you know that He has forgiven me of all my sins and He will forgive you too? I want you to forget about choosing to be lukewarm, hot, or cold. Get that sermon out of your head. My sister, you have made many wonderful choices in your life too. We all stumble, we all have our weaknesses, and we all struggle with surrendering our lives to God. But that is why Jesus had to die on the cross for us; we NEEDED someone to save us because our sin's were too great for us to carry on our own. God knows this, He knows your deepest secrets; He knows more than your husband knows about you, and He still loves you more than your husband could ever love you. He wants you to trust Him. Our God is not a hateful God, He longs to have the life that He created be saved. Therefore, He does not make it an obstacle coarse in order for us to obtain salvation. It's very clean cut and easy. With faith the size of a mustard seed, the Lord will save anyone with a willing heart.
"For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him. Whoever believes in him is not condemned, but whoever does not believe stands condemned already because he has not believed in the name of God's one and only Son." John 3:17-18
I know you believe, it is very obvious. You wouldn't be hurting so much if you did not believe. You have been made to feel as though you need to live a perfect life FIRST in order to be saved, I was made to feel that way too. But my sister, God showed me that I can not come close to perfection until AFTER I am saved and place my faith in Him. Even then, you know I am definitely not a perfect Christian but I strive to be more and more, day by day. No man, no relative, no pastor can judge you. They have no rule under God to tell you if you are saved or not. Only God has that authority. But we can counsel one another and encourage each other to lift our hearts up to Jesus.
"There is only one Lawgiver and Judge, the one who is able to save and destroy. But you, who are you to judge your neighbor?" James 4:12
The Lord does not judge our actions as much as he judges our heart.
"Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts." Psalm 139:23
"But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such there is no law." Galatians 5:22-23
You are all of those things; I see your fruits and I believe God see's them too. God knows your heart, my sister. He knows what you truly desire, where your heart finds peace, and it is NOT His will for you to feel unworthy to come before Him. Technically, we are all unworthy of His love but that is the awesomeness of our Lord and Savior, that even a murderer could turn to Him and be saved. Amen. If that is true, then you are definitely nothing short of being saved and to be perfectly honest, I do not know that you haven't already been saved. Only the Lord knows. But what I do know is that UNINTENTIONALLY you have been made confused just as I was for many years. That does not come from God, He is NOT the author of confusion (1 Corinthians 14:33). Our Father in Heaven does not want you to be confused about His love for you, He wants you to open up to Him and see that He does love you and He does care about every little thing you go through in life. He wants to laugh with you, be joyful with you for your beautiful children, be the shoulder you cry on in times of need, and He wants to answer your prayers. His love is the greatest love you could ever know and you are just as capable of experiencing it as I have been.
I hope that this blog finds happiness in your heart. It is never my intention to burden you more, but to help you carry your burdens. I just love you so much and it breaks my heart to see you the way you were the other night, but I understand how much pain and confusion there is behind each tear. I've been there before, and I can tell you there is so much relief on the other side. Nobody is telling you that you have to change your life, your actions, etc. That is between YOU and GOD. If you put your faith in Him, He is faithful to give you the convictions you need in your own heart. You will not be able to miss them, He will make them evident. And likewise, He will shape your heart to WANT to hear His convictions. But it is not up to anyone, including yourself, to decide what is right and what is wrong for your salvation. That is something that comes from God with a growing heart. It is not fair for anyone to expect you to change immediately, and I'm not sure that there is much you need to change at all; you are a wonderful person. Again, let God be the judge of that. He will not lead you astray.
I do not want to force God upon you and I will not. But you know that I love you and I am here for you. If ever you want to talk, even if hurts to talk about it, it is good to have a friend to let it go to. You know I am here no matter what you need. I am grateful for all that you've been to me, and I pray that I can return at least half of the favors you've done for me. I love you and I hope you don't mind that this blog is for you.

---

UNTITLED HYMN
by Chris Rice

Weak and wounded sinner
Lost and left to die
O, raise your head, for love is passing by
Come to Jesus
Come to Jesus
Come to Jesus and live!

Now your burden's lifted
And carried far away
And precious blood has washed away the stain, so
Sing to Jesus
Sing to Jesus
Sing to Jesus and live!

And like a newborn baby
Don't be afraid to crawl
And remember when you walk
Sometimes we fall...so
Fall on Jesus
Fall on Jesus
Fall on Jesus and live!

Sometimes the way is lonely
And steep and filled with pain
So if your sky is dark and pours the rain, then
Cry to Jesus
Cry to Jesus
Cry to Jesus and live!

O, and when the love spills over
And music fills the night
And when you can't contain your joy inside, then
Dance for Jesus
Dance for Jesus
Dance for Jesus and live!

And with your final heartbeat
Kiss the world goodbye
Then go in peace, and laugh on Glory's side, and
Fly to Jesus
Fly to Jesus
Fly to Jesus and live!

He Is The Same Yesterday, Today, and Tomorrow

Yesterday was a good day. I had a chance to chat with Drew over the phone for the first time in a few weeks. It was great to hear some of his stories about Guatemala. He shared one very cool experience with me that I won't go into detail about but it kept playing in my mind throughout the rest of the day. Then, last night I had dinner with some new friends whom I am very grateful God has placed in my life. I also was blessed to have one of my old best friends there, Rachel, and it was wonderful getting to see her again for the first time in years!

We spent most of last night sharing each other's testimonies. The conversation went so well that we moved our dinner party from Moe's to Blackhawk for some coffee. There were some really cool stories shared and all of the people I talked to yesterday left me with some things to think about. God really spoke to my heart.

The greatest impact that yesterday's encounters left me with were how awesome it is the way that God plants people in our lives for specific reasons. It really isn't a small world; it's God's power that leads us to different people. If there is something that needs to change in your life you can count on God putting whomever or whatever is necessary there to guide you. I'm not saying I believe EVERY person we come in contact with is led to us by God because the Bible tells us to abstain from all appearances of evil, so obviously there are things/people that did not cross our paths from God. However, He has the power to turn bad things into good, too. Marrying my ex husband may not have been the best idea but I wouldn't have my beautiful son if I hadn't made that choice. Was it God who led me to marry him? I don't think so. In fact, I believe I deliberately disobeyed God by getting married when I did and to whom I did, but the Lord was able to take something wrong in my life and use it for the better. I probably wouldn't be where I'm at in my walk with the Lord if I did not have Gabe. He was my turning point.

The problem is, sometimes we try to force people to fit certain positions in our life when that isn't always God's intentions. I'm going to use a bold example, and I hope nobody minds because I mean this with sincerity... I know without a doubt that God brought Drew back into my life for a reason. He was definitely working behind the scenes in my life through Drew, but on the surface we didn't really wait for God to guide us. At this point, I'm not going to say whether I believe God's will was for us to be in a relationship. It could very well be that He brought Drew into my life just as a friend, and our feelings for each other were simply our fleshly desires. But one thing I do know is that I would still be lost and confused about the Truth if the Lord had not brought Drew my way, again. I learned a lot through him that was necessary to bring me where I needed to be. For that, I will ever be grateful.

Last night also opened up my eyes to how much God is always with me. Not that I didn't already know that, but it was one of those surreal moments where you can feel his presence. For the past two months, I've felt so alone. Literally in the snap of a finger, I lost everybody that was close to me. I didn't quite understand it because it all happened at the same time that I started putting more effort into my walk with God. It had been very hard for me, having no one to really open up to anymore. I began having some pretty severe anxiety attacks, I was struggling hard to keep my patience with Gabe, etc. But I wasn't going to let Satan win the battle. I wasn't going to let this feeling of abandonment force me to abandon my God yet again. And Christ kept me reminded that He loved me through it all and that He would never leave my side. Because of my faithfulness, God replaced the emptiness in my heart with new friends. Technically, some of them are old friends renewed. I've only known most of them for a few weeks and already I feel a bond with them. The fellowship I have with these people have been such a help for me to pull out of my depression and keep me encouraged. They genuinely care about me, and I can't begin to tell you how much I needed that. God searched my heart, He knew what I needed, and He was faithful to bring it to me. I long to be His faithful servant for all of eternity. Amen.

With God, there is no void!

Okay, so here it is; the blog I wasn't going to post yesterday. But there's a twist on it from what I was going to write originally. However, I want to clarify ahead of time that I don't mean this to come across selfish, prideful, or anything of that sort. In fact, some of you might find through what I'm about to write that I've come a long way from who I was before and it is only by the grace of God who is the one transforming my heart to set higher standards for myself.

I WANT:

*To watch love grow between me and a friend, not to pursue a man I just met.
*To be respected and to learn to respect a man more.
*To have a man who will take time out to study the word and pray with me so we can grow spiritually together.
*To be equally yoked.
*Someone who will do service for others and go on mission trips with me.
*To be admired for the woman I am on the inside, not on the outside.
*To get out and do things! Reserving money is essential, but quality time is important too. And that's not just sitting in the living room doing nothing all day.
*Someone who is truly committed and once I am made a priority in their life, I will remain in that spot never allowing other worldy things to come before me.
*A man who will not take advantage of my son's love. His love is one of the greatest blessings in life; not one to be tampered with.
*Someone who will walk with me even when I make mistakes, understanding that they make mistakes as well and I will continue to walk by their side too.
*A man who wants to share his life with me and not replace me with new and exciting things that come his way.
*A humble man.
*Someone who isn't afraid to love me and knows he can trust me.
*A Spiritual Leader.
*A man who will some day love me as Christ loved the Church.
*A man who will help me raise my son/children with the same values and morals that I believe in, understanding that the example they set is the strongest influence they could have on the child.
*A man who will still look into my eyes with so much love and admiration 10 years after being together.
*Someone who is beyond the stage of "finding themselves;" someone who already knows what they want in life so they know 100% for sure whether me and my son fit in their life BEFORE letting us in.
*Someone who means it when he says "forever."
*Someone who doesn't lose faith in us and always fights for our relationship along with me, no matter how challenging it may get.
*Someone who understands me when I'm happy and even when I'm upset, and doesn't try to make me feel guilty every time I'm hurt or provoke me to be even more upset.
*A man who will always keep open communication with me, so that I can learn how to give him what he needs from me better.
*Support and encouragement.
*Someone who lifts me up in prayer every day, throughout the day on his own, free will.
*A loyal man.
*Someone who doesn't let distance break us.
*Someone who values the family God gave him.

I *DON'T* WANT:

*A boyfriend right now.
*To be bombarded with text messages from a guy I just met.
*To be told how gorgeous a guy thinks I am every time I talk to them.
*A man to use my son as a way to get to my heart. I allowed that to happen once, never again. It's actually a turn off to me now.
*Someone willing to break my son's heart in order to save himself from heartache.
*A man who says one thing but does the other.
*Someone who holds grudges.
*A man with too much pride for himself.
*Someone who won't even try to hear what I'm saying to them; shuts me out.
*To be treated as a piece of meat.
*To have to compete for his attention.
*A man who drinks, not even socially.
*Anyone who thinks "boys will be boys" is an okay motto to live by.




.... I might add to the lists as time moves on. I'm really excited about this time I'm spending with God! He's helping me to see the woman I am and the woman I want to become. My cousin Heather thinks I have already started the book I want to write with these blogs.:) I love you, Heather!