I am a very selfish person. I react too quickly to things that make me upset. It's not that I don't have a right to feel upset, but the way I handle it is not always right. I can see God working in me to change this behavior, but it is not an easy task. Over the past few weeks, I have found myself in a very tough spot emotionally. Many times I've had no other choice but to drop to my knees and give it all to God. In my own words, I ask Him to "Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts." (Psalm 139:23) Well........... let me tell you. Those are some very beautiful and powerful words to pray to the Lord. I can see God sitting in heaven every time I pray that prayer, chuckling at me and saying, "April, I thought you would never ask!" I mean, the last few weeks have been the most humbling days of my life. I have been tried in so many ways; some things I haven't really shared with anyone, which is uncommon for me but that is how humbling it has been. But as humiliating as it seems, "I hold fast to your statutes, O Lord; do not let me be put to shame." (Psalm 119:31)
Nothing can break me from my Father this time. I broke my vows to God in the past, but He stayed committed to His vows for me and He took me back, broken and ashamed, with open arms. I was the prodigal *daughter*.;) Now He is molding me into His beautiful bride and for the first time ever I don't day dream about my Prince Charming. Instead, I am already living my dream with my Prince of Peace! I mean, come on girls... If you want a marriage that feels like the honeymoon is never over, make yourself the bride of Jesus Christ. This is one love that will never grow dull; He will keep the fire burning as long as I remain faithful to Him. And the wonderful thing is, if I make a mistake (and I will, though that is not an excuse to intentionally do so) He will continue to show me love as long as I keep my arms open to Him. What an AWESOME God we serve!
God has revealed all of my ugly side to me one-by-one lately. I'm sure there's still a lot left for me to see too. But I dare to say, "bring it on!" for I am excited about what my Abba is doing in me. Through every humiliating moment I have learned to like myself more than I ever did before. I didn't even realize how much I hated myself until recently. I'm still not content with who I am, I want to be better for God! In my previous relationship I knew that my boyfriend was happy with the way I looked and he never complained about me; all I ever received were very sweet compliments. But he made me want to be even better because I wanted to be as beautiful for him as he deserved me to be. That is how I feel about God now. I know that He is happy with me, but I'm not done trying to better myself. I don't want to stop until I am as beautiful as I can possibly be for the one who deserves my love the most--my Lord.
I am so in love, and this time I know I'm in a stable relationship. One that I don't ever have to worry about falling apart or being desserted. One that I can rest safely in the arms of. I've never felt more committed in my life. I love you, Lord.
Friday, July 24, 2009
Monday, July 20, 2009
Myspace Profile Song
love the lyrics...
BE GOOD OR BE GONE
by Fionn Regan
If you happen to read this
Rose was born
Child actor-ess
On the fifth day of the snow
Be good or be gone
Be good or be, be gone
The range is stangering
Movement and timing
Frame by frame
It did ufold
Be good or be gone
Be good or be, be gone
I read to you on saturdays
Museum has closed down
Sell all your things
At the end of the drive
Be good or be gone
Be good or be, be gone
I have become
An ariel view
Of a coastal town
That you once knew
Be good or be gone
Be good or be, be gone
BE GOOD OR BE GONE
by Fionn Regan
If you happen to read this
Rose was born
Child actor-ess
On the fifth day of the snow
Be good or be gone
Be good or be, be gone
The range is stangering
Movement and timing
Frame by frame
It did ufold
Be good or be gone
Be good or be, be gone
I read to you on saturdays
Museum has closed down
Sell all your things
At the end of the drive
Be good or be gone
Be good or be, be gone
I have become
An ariel view
Of a coastal town
That you once knew
Be good or be gone
Be good or be, be gone
Sunday, July 19, 2009
My World Around Me is Crumbling but On Christ, the Solid Rock, I stand.
Times have been so tough for me lately. I'm really not wanting to sit here and pity myself, but it has been so hard to get through each minute of every day. I've always been a firm believer in quality family time, and part of me still is. But lately, family has been leaving such a bitter taste in my mouth that it's hard for me to value it like I used to. I'm not just talking about with my own blood, but with other's who pretended to take me and Gabe in and love us like their own family. But when I need my family the most, where is everybody? People have turned their backs or just simply not cared; my own family and the ones I adopted and loved very deeply. I am literally left standing alone with my son and my foundation--my God. So on top of trying to find my own way, I have been struggling to walk this path literally all alone. I'm telling you, for those of you who have so much love and support in your life, cherish the moments. I thought my life was filled with love and in the snap of a finger, it quickly dissapeared. I have learned a valuable lesson in trusting other people rather than God. He quickly showed me that no man/woman can be trusted, not even the most devout christian. So even through this pain, I am very excited to be building a stronger relationship with my Lord and Savior than I've ever experienced in my life! My faith has always been shaky, probably because I depended on other people/sinners to carry me through. But now, my faith rests solely in God and He is the one carrying me.
My dilemma, however, is where do I go from here? I really don't feel like I can or should remain living where I'm at now. With all of the other stands I've made lately, my living arrangements are holding me back from being able to move forward both financially and especially emotionally. I'm really afraid that if I remain in this position I will find myself taking two steps back instead of two steps forward. It is all negative, negative, negative around me. I feel the walls closing in on me so tightly and God is the only thing keeping me from snapping. Seriously. I do not want to make any decisions that aren't led by God so I need a lot of prayer for clarity because at the moment, every option seems impossible and it's getting rather confusing. I hate having to live a life where I have to go hide every weekend and let other people take care of me and my son, but staying at the house is not an option for me right now and I can't afford to live on my own at this point. I feel like I am a failure and a regret to everyone I knew, loved, and trusted yet I know that God is happy with me and continuing to lead me in the right direction.
One thing God has definitely made clear for me is church. I checked out the Career 2 class at McGregor today and I loved it. Me being as shy as I am in a situation like that, I sat alone and didn't really talk to almost anyone but I listened intently to Gerald's message. Then I overheard the girl sitting right behind me talking about how she just made it into the nursing program at Edison. I wanted to turn around and talk to her, but I got too nervous. But at closing time, Gerald had us all get into small groups for closing prayer and she was in my group, so I brought up the nursing program to her then. It was nice to find someone with something small in common, even though I did NOT make it into the nursing program (I was still very happy for her). After prayer, we got to talking and I discovered she was one of the other single mom's that Cary had been telling me about. So then we had something greater in common! She walked with me to the sanctuary for the sermon and sat with me. The whole time we shared some of our testimony to each other, and it was so nice to have a lady friend who understood a lot of where I am coming from. I sent her a friend request on facebook, so hopefully she will end up reading this and know how much of a blessing she was to me today.:) She has a beautiful daughter right around Gabe's age, so perhaps the Lord will allow a nice friendship to grow between ALL of us. It is times like these that God keeps me reminded of his presence and that He is still guiding me and will never leave me. I love my Heavenly Father so much!
"We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed. We always carry around in our body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be revealed in our body." 2 Corinthians 4:8-10
BROKEN
Lifehouse
The broken clock is a comfort, it helps me sleep tonight
Maybe it can stop tomorrow from stealing all my time
And I am here still waiting though I still have my doubts
I am damaged at best, like you've already figured out
I'm falling apart, I'm barely breathing
With a broken heart that's still beating
In the pain there is healing
In your name I find meaning
The broken locks were a warning you got inside my head
I tried my best to be guarded, I'm an open book instead
And I still see your reflection inside of my eyes
That are looking for purpose, they're still looking for life
I'm falling apart, I'm barely breathing
With a broken heart that's still beating
In the pain (In the pain) there's the healing
In your name (In your name) I find meaning
So I'm holdin' on, (I'm still holdin')
I'm holdin' on, (I'm still holdin')
I'm holdin' on (I'm still holdin')
I'm barely holdin' on to you
I'm hanging on another day
Just to see what you will throw my way
And I'm hanging on to the words you say
You said that I would, would be ok
The broken lights on the freeway left me here alone
I may have lost my way now, haven't forgotten my way home
I'm falling apart, I'm barely breathing
With a broken heart that's still beating
In the pain (In the pain) there is healing
In your name (In your name) I find meaning
So I'm holdin' on, (I'm still holdin)
I'm holdin' on, (I'm still holdin')
I'm holdin' on, (I'm still holdin')
I'm barely holdin' on to you
My dilemma, however, is where do I go from here? I really don't feel like I can or should remain living where I'm at now. With all of the other stands I've made lately, my living arrangements are holding me back from being able to move forward both financially and especially emotionally. I'm really afraid that if I remain in this position I will find myself taking two steps back instead of two steps forward. It is all negative, negative, negative around me. I feel the walls closing in on me so tightly and God is the only thing keeping me from snapping. Seriously. I do not want to make any decisions that aren't led by God so I need a lot of prayer for clarity because at the moment, every option seems impossible and it's getting rather confusing. I hate having to live a life where I have to go hide every weekend and let other people take care of me and my son, but staying at the house is not an option for me right now and I can't afford to live on my own at this point. I feel like I am a failure and a regret to everyone I knew, loved, and trusted yet I know that God is happy with me and continuing to lead me in the right direction.
One thing God has definitely made clear for me is church. I checked out the Career 2 class at McGregor today and I loved it. Me being as shy as I am in a situation like that, I sat alone and didn't really talk to almost anyone but I listened intently to Gerald's message. Then I overheard the girl sitting right behind me talking about how she just made it into the nursing program at Edison. I wanted to turn around and talk to her, but I got too nervous. But at closing time, Gerald had us all get into small groups for closing prayer and she was in my group, so I brought up the nursing program to her then. It was nice to find someone with something small in common, even though I did NOT make it into the nursing program (I was still very happy for her). After prayer, we got to talking and I discovered she was one of the other single mom's that Cary had been telling me about. So then we had something greater in common! She walked with me to the sanctuary for the sermon and sat with me. The whole time we shared some of our testimony to each other, and it was so nice to have a lady friend who understood a lot of where I am coming from. I sent her a friend request on facebook, so hopefully she will end up reading this and know how much of a blessing she was to me today.:) She has a beautiful daughter right around Gabe's age, so perhaps the Lord will allow a nice friendship to grow between ALL of us. It is times like these that God keeps me reminded of his presence and that He is still guiding me and will never leave me. I love my Heavenly Father so much!
"We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed. We always carry around in our body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be revealed in our body." 2 Corinthians 4:8-10
BROKEN
Lifehouse
The broken clock is a comfort, it helps me sleep tonight
Maybe it can stop tomorrow from stealing all my time
And I am here still waiting though I still have my doubts
I am damaged at best, like you've already figured out
I'm falling apart, I'm barely breathing
With a broken heart that's still beating
In the pain there is healing
In your name I find meaning
The broken locks were a warning you got inside my head
I tried my best to be guarded, I'm an open book instead
And I still see your reflection inside of my eyes
That are looking for purpose, they're still looking for life
I'm falling apart, I'm barely breathing
With a broken heart that's still beating
In the pain (In the pain) there's the healing
In your name (In your name) I find meaning
So I'm holdin' on, (I'm still holdin')
I'm holdin' on, (I'm still holdin')
I'm holdin' on (I'm still holdin')
I'm barely holdin' on to you
I'm hanging on another day
Just to see what you will throw my way
And I'm hanging on to the words you say
You said that I would, would be ok
The broken lights on the freeway left me here alone
I may have lost my way now, haven't forgotten my way home
I'm falling apart, I'm barely breathing
With a broken heart that's still beating
In the pain (In the pain) there is healing
In your name (In your name) I find meaning
So I'm holdin' on, (I'm still holdin)
I'm holdin' on, (I'm still holdin')
I'm holdin' on, (I'm still holdin')
I'm barely holdin' on to you
Tuesday, July 7, 2009
Walk As Jesus Did...
"Whoever claims to live in Him must walk as Jesus did." 1 John 2:6
This is such a serious statement. It seems like a simple verse, but there is so much depth to it. Our Youth Pastor, David, shared this verse in his sermon tonight and it really stuck with me.. I grabbed a pen and wrote it on my hand so I wouldn't forget it. I think I will make it my memory verse for the week, even though it's already almost wednesday.
What does it mean to walk as Jesus did? To be perfect, to be blameless, to be all of these things that our flesh stands in the way of. The only way that we can walk in Jesus is if we fully seek Him in our hearts. I remember when the WWJD bracelets were really big as a kid. I loved them, but I also saw them becoming more of a statement for being cool than they were being a statement for Christ. There was one girl I knew who wasn't even a Christian but she would wear the bracelet because everyone else had one. We take our Lord and Savior for granted so many times throughout our lives, that we forget to truly ask ourselves, "what does it mean to walk as Jesus did?"
As David was saying tonight, there are things in this world that we have to question whether they are right or wrong to do. One of the bigger issues he touched on was alcohol because that is a common debate among Christians. David posed a very good question from 1 Corinthians 6:12.. is it beneficial? He went on to list some other questions that we should ask ourselves in order to hold our decisions accountable to God.. I wish I had brought a paper and pen with me, but instead I had a sleeping toddler in my arms. So I have to try and remember these questions off the top of my head. I will probably word them a little differently and I know there were more than what I can remember, but I'll work with what I've got..
If you are faced with a decision to make.. Is it beneficial? This does not just mean to look at how the decision will benefit you, but rather how it will benefit your walk with God. Will it be something that can help you grow or something that could hinder your faith?
I've been reading out of a book called "Lady In Waiting," which I recommend for any young single woman who is seeking God in their life. It is a great book, and it makes the story of Ruth its center focus (I've always been a huge fan of Ruth!). Ruth 2:10-11 talks about the moment she met Boaz, "At this, she bowed down with her face to the ground. She exclaimed, 'Why have I found such favor in your eyes that you notice me—a foreigner?' Boaz replied, 'I've been told all about what you have done for your mother-in-law since the death of your husband—how you left your father and mother and your homeland and came to live with a people you did not know before.'" Notice that Boaz did not answer, "I noticed your beautiful eyes and I couldn't stop staring," or "girl, your butt just looks so good in those jeans.."lol What attracted him to Ruth was her character; her personality and her devotion. When Ruth followed Naomi to her homeland, she was freshly a Christian (Ruth 1:16) but her heart was willing and virtuous and Boaz could see this. The Lord blessed her for her loyalty and her faith. It wasn't because she was beautiful on the outside but because she was beautiful on the inside. So, with that said, this is something that most of us (especially women) struggle with today. I have been quite guilty of it myself. Us single women get so caught up in catching that special guy's (or for some, ANY guy's) attention that we put a lot of time and effort into making ourselves look beautiful to them on the outside. There is nothing wrong with making yourself attractive, but when it consumes your heart you have to ask, "is it beneficial--to my walk with God?" Do we really want to attract a man by our outward appearances? Looks can change over time (and men, the same goes for you too). I can tell you from my own experience that a man who is attracted to you for your looks generally is not a faithful man. As soon as another pretty woman comes along, she will catch his attention as well. Nothing hurts more than to watch your husband check out other women right in front of you (especially when you're big, fat and pregnant). That is the result of marrying a man who I attracted with my outward appearances. If you spend more time working on your inward beauty, Lord willing you will attract the right man who will not be interested in finding another woman after he has found you. Again, the same goes for men.
"Your adornment must not be merely external--braiding the hair, and wearing gold jewelry, or putting on dresses; but let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the imperishable quality of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is precious in the sight of God." 1 Peter 3:3-4... Oh man, I know quite a few people who can testify that I don't always fit the description in these verses too well. I have a very ugly side that comes out when I don't let God control it. But He is so good to be working on my heart day in and day out, molding me more and more into the beauty in this verse, so that some day I can attract my Boaz. So the next time I begin to follow my flesh; when I begin to concern myself with my outward appearances, and when I begin to let my emotions get the best of me, I have to remember to ask myself.. is it beneficial?
The second question is if you are faced with a decision to make... can it bring glory to God? Again, I could think of a million things in my own life that I should be asking this question for. David listed a ton of them.. alcohol, smoking, the friends we hang with, the music we listen to, what we do in our relationships prior to marriage.. and then he touched on a good one that I had not thought about before. If we are struggling to know whether we are in a *beneficial* relationship, we should ask ourselves, "can it bring glory to God?" If there is no chance that the relationship you're in is capable of glorifying God then it is definitely a bad relationship to be in. That point really hit home with me.
And finally, the last question that I can remember. If you are faced with a decision to make... would it consume you? Unfortunately, this is where my flesh battles with my spirit on the alcohol situation. I don't necessarily condemn anyone for having a few drinks if they can control it, but I know in my heart of hearts that I personally am against it. Why? Because I know that it would consume me. I experienced this just a few weeks ago.
Satan convinced Eve to eat the fruit by making her believe that it was not a big deal; he told her she wouldn't die from it. I'm sure Eve was thinking something that we can all relate to, 'it's just one fruit! what's the big deal?' But once she made the wrong choice, it consumed her life. The poor woman still has to take heat from everyone about her bad decision... even her husband blamed her for their sins!
Like I said before, Satan works hard to deceive us. For me, he took something that I made a personal stand against (drinking) and convinced me that just one or two would not hurt anything. Before I knew it, it was consuming my life.
"I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good. As it is, it is no longer I myself who do it, but it is sin living in me. I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. For what I do is not the good I want to do; no, the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing. Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it. So I find this law at work: When I want to do good, evil is right there with me. For in my inner being I delight in God's law; but I see another law at work in the members of my body, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within my members. What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body of death? Thanks be to God—through Jesus Christ our Lord!" Romans 7:15-25
I hope it's understood that I don't share my personal life in order to boast or gain pity. I can't go back and change my mistakes, but God can use my life as an example to others and that is why I am open to sharing some of my life on here. My desire is to walk as Jesus did, and to put away my sinful nature. I am going to make a conscious effort to keep that verse at the front of my head throughout my days and see where God takes me with it.
This is such a serious statement. It seems like a simple verse, but there is so much depth to it. Our Youth Pastor, David, shared this verse in his sermon tonight and it really stuck with me.. I grabbed a pen and wrote it on my hand so I wouldn't forget it. I think I will make it my memory verse for the week, even though it's already almost wednesday.
What does it mean to walk as Jesus did? To be perfect, to be blameless, to be all of these things that our flesh stands in the way of. The only way that we can walk in Jesus is if we fully seek Him in our hearts. I remember when the WWJD bracelets were really big as a kid. I loved them, but I also saw them becoming more of a statement for being cool than they were being a statement for Christ. There was one girl I knew who wasn't even a Christian but she would wear the bracelet because everyone else had one. We take our Lord and Savior for granted so many times throughout our lives, that we forget to truly ask ourselves, "what does it mean to walk as Jesus did?"
As David was saying tonight, there are things in this world that we have to question whether they are right or wrong to do. One of the bigger issues he touched on was alcohol because that is a common debate among Christians. David posed a very good question from 1 Corinthians 6:12.. is it beneficial? He went on to list some other questions that we should ask ourselves in order to hold our decisions accountable to God.. I wish I had brought a paper and pen with me, but instead I had a sleeping toddler in my arms. So I have to try and remember these questions off the top of my head. I will probably word them a little differently and I know there were more than what I can remember, but I'll work with what I've got..
If you are faced with a decision to make.. Is it beneficial? This does not just mean to look at how the decision will benefit you, but rather how it will benefit your walk with God. Will it be something that can help you grow or something that could hinder your faith?
I've been reading out of a book called "Lady In Waiting," which I recommend for any young single woman who is seeking God in their life. It is a great book, and it makes the story of Ruth its center focus (I've always been a huge fan of Ruth!). Ruth 2:10-11 talks about the moment she met Boaz, "At this, she bowed down with her face to the ground. She exclaimed, 'Why have I found such favor in your eyes that you notice me—a foreigner?' Boaz replied, 'I've been told all about what you have done for your mother-in-law since the death of your husband—how you left your father and mother and your homeland and came to live with a people you did not know before.'" Notice that Boaz did not answer, "I noticed your beautiful eyes and I couldn't stop staring," or "girl, your butt just looks so good in those jeans.."lol What attracted him to Ruth was her character; her personality and her devotion. When Ruth followed Naomi to her homeland, she was freshly a Christian (Ruth 1:16) but her heart was willing and virtuous and Boaz could see this. The Lord blessed her for her loyalty and her faith. It wasn't because she was beautiful on the outside but because she was beautiful on the inside. So, with that said, this is something that most of us (especially women) struggle with today. I have been quite guilty of it myself. Us single women get so caught up in catching that special guy's (or for some, ANY guy's) attention that we put a lot of time and effort into making ourselves look beautiful to them on the outside. There is nothing wrong with making yourself attractive, but when it consumes your heart you have to ask, "is it beneficial--to my walk with God?" Do we really want to attract a man by our outward appearances? Looks can change over time (and men, the same goes for you too). I can tell you from my own experience that a man who is attracted to you for your looks generally is not a faithful man. As soon as another pretty woman comes along, she will catch his attention as well. Nothing hurts more than to watch your husband check out other women right in front of you (especially when you're big, fat and pregnant). That is the result of marrying a man who I attracted with my outward appearances. If you spend more time working on your inward beauty, Lord willing you will attract the right man who will not be interested in finding another woman after he has found you. Again, the same goes for men.
"Your adornment must not be merely external--braiding the hair, and wearing gold jewelry, or putting on dresses; but let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the imperishable quality of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is precious in the sight of God." 1 Peter 3:3-4... Oh man, I know quite a few people who can testify that I don't always fit the description in these verses too well. I have a very ugly side that comes out when I don't let God control it. But He is so good to be working on my heart day in and day out, molding me more and more into the beauty in this verse, so that some day I can attract my Boaz. So the next time I begin to follow my flesh; when I begin to concern myself with my outward appearances, and when I begin to let my emotions get the best of me, I have to remember to ask myself.. is it beneficial?
The second question is if you are faced with a decision to make... can it bring glory to God? Again, I could think of a million things in my own life that I should be asking this question for. David listed a ton of them.. alcohol, smoking, the friends we hang with, the music we listen to, what we do in our relationships prior to marriage.. and then he touched on a good one that I had not thought about before. If we are struggling to know whether we are in a *beneficial* relationship, we should ask ourselves, "can it bring glory to God?" If there is no chance that the relationship you're in is capable of glorifying God then it is definitely a bad relationship to be in. That point really hit home with me.
And finally, the last question that I can remember. If you are faced with a decision to make... would it consume you? Unfortunately, this is where my flesh battles with my spirit on the alcohol situation. I don't necessarily condemn anyone for having a few drinks if they can control it, but I know in my heart of hearts that I personally am against it. Why? Because I know that it would consume me. I experienced this just a few weeks ago.
Satan convinced Eve to eat the fruit by making her believe that it was not a big deal; he told her she wouldn't die from it. I'm sure Eve was thinking something that we can all relate to, 'it's just one fruit! what's the big deal?' But once she made the wrong choice, it consumed her life. The poor woman still has to take heat from everyone about her bad decision... even her husband blamed her for their sins!
Like I said before, Satan works hard to deceive us. For me, he took something that I made a personal stand against (drinking) and convinced me that just one or two would not hurt anything. Before I knew it, it was consuming my life.
"I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good. As it is, it is no longer I myself who do it, but it is sin living in me. I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. For what I do is not the good I want to do; no, the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing. Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it. So I find this law at work: When I want to do good, evil is right there with me. For in my inner being I delight in God's law; but I see another law at work in the members of my body, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within my members. What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body of death? Thanks be to God—through Jesus Christ our Lord!" Romans 7:15-25
I hope it's understood that I don't share my personal life in order to boast or gain pity. I can't go back and change my mistakes, but God can use my life as an example to others and that is why I am open to sharing some of my life on here. My desire is to walk as Jesus did, and to put away my sinful nature. I am going to make a conscious effort to keep that verse at the front of my head throughout my days and see where God takes me with it.
Sunday, July 5, 2009
We Need Each Other
One thing I've learned lately is how selfish our flesh can be, even when it comes to seeking the Lord. We can get so involved in following God that we let the little things He brings us slip right past us without even noticing it. God doesn't just call us to do one big, noble thing in life.. He calls us to serve him every second of our life. When God brings the little things our way, we can easily block them out if we don't have time for them. Sometimes we're so focused on the one major thing going on that we don't have a desire to make time for the little things which might be considered more important in God's eyes. I have been guilty of this so many times and especially lately. It's easy to fix our eyes on the bigger and more exciting things that God reveals to us, but is it God's will to stay focused on only one thing so much that we let the rest of our life fall apart around us?
I've always been a fan of this story.. a man is stuck in the river and the tide keeps rising. While it's up to his shens, a boat comes by and the driver tells him to hop in. He thanks the man politely but refuses to get in the boat. "I'm waiting for God to save me," is the man's reply. Two more times a boat drives by and offers to help him out, but he gives them all the same response. Finally the water is over his head and the man drowns. Once in heaven, he asks the Lord, "Father, why didn't you save me? I was waiting for you!" God replies, "I sent you three boats!"
You see, so many times we get so fixed on how big and awesome God is (because He is!) that we forget how often He can work in small ways for us. That is why it's so important to be in prayer for every aspect of our life so that we don't "miss the boat" when God sends it our way. God's will was for the man to jump in the first boat. So even though the man's desire was to trust in God, it did not automatically make him open to God's suggestions. Our spiritual eyes and ears have to be open to all of our surroundings, slow and careful to turn away anything that may very well be God's will for our lives no matter how small, unexciting, and challenging it may be.
This morning, I read Proverbs 17:17 and Proverbs 18:24 before heading to Church. I am always encouraged by those verses to try harder to be a good, loyal friend.. sometimes we need that reminder. As always, Pastor Steven's sermons are amazing to me. He said something in his sermon that really stuck with me this morning: "If we put off getting into a relationship until after we clean our act up, then we'll never get into a relationship... Are we being selfish with the direction and gifts God has given us or are we being generous and sharing it with our brothers and/or sisters?" Again, I felt very encouraged by his message. On my way home from church, I was listening to WayFM while they were interviewing the lead singer of Sanctus Real. Matt (that's his name) was talking about how strongly he feels that we should not walk through life alone. Whether it be a friend or a relationship, God calls us to walk together and not alone. He said that attempting to walk alone is such a dangerous place to be in our spiritual life, because it tends to make us very selfish and self-focused. That is not God's will for us, ever. We are here for each other, not for ourselves. "Again, I tell you that if two of you on earth agree about anything you ask for, it will be done for you by my Father in heaven. For where two or three come together in my name, there am I with them." Matthew 18:19-20
WE NEED EACH OTHER - Sanctus Real
I think I caught a glimpse of
Life without friends
Bitter, empty, hollow, dark and lonely
We never meant to hurt each other
So Can’t we trust again
And take it as a chance
To keep on growing
I don’t know why it doesn’t come easy
But I know that we could be happy
If we’d only learn to love
Oh oh we need each other
So what’s the fighting for
Oh oh we need each other
Please don’t close the door
Oh oh we need each other
Through all the highs and lows
Oh oh we need each other
Cuz no one’s meant to live alone
Life revolves around the need
Of having someone
Causing every complicated feeling
Oh and I don’t want to loose you
And there is nothing wrong with
Telling me what you need
To keep our love strong
It’s just a part of being a family
Taking the good with the bad and the ugly
If we could only learn to love
Oh oh we need each other
So what’s the fighting for
Oh oh we need each other
Please don’t close the door
Oh oh we need each other
Through all the highs and lows
Oh oh we need each other
Cuz I don’t want to be alone
Oh Oh we need each other
Fathers and Mothers
Oh oh we need each other
All your sisters and brothers
Oh oh we need each other
We need friends and lovers
Oh Oh we need each other
Well I need you
You need me
Cuz that’s the way
It’s meant to be
I need you
We need each other
(I don’t want to be alone)
Praise you, Lord, for this beautiful lesson you gave me today. Amen.
I've always been a fan of this story.. a man is stuck in the river and the tide keeps rising. While it's up to his shens, a boat comes by and the driver tells him to hop in. He thanks the man politely but refuses to get in the boat. "I'm waiting for God to save me," is the man's reply. Two more times a boat drives by and offers to help him out, but he gives them all the same response. Finally the water is over his head and the man drowns. Once in heaven, he asks the Lord, "Father, why didn't you save me? I was waiting for you!" God replies, "I sent you three boats!"
You see, so many times we get so fixed on how big and awesome God is (because He is!) that we forget how often He can work in small ways for us. That is why it's so important to be in prayer for every aspect of our life so that we don't "miss the boat" when God sends it our way. God's will was for the man to jump in the first boat. So even though the man's desire was to trust in God, it did not automatically make him open to God's suggestions. Our spiritual eyes and ears have to be open to all of our surroundings, slow and careful to turn away anything that may very well be God's will for our lives no matter how small, unexciting, and challenging it may be.
This morning, I read Proverbs 17:17 and Proverbs 18:24 before heading to Church. I am always encouraged by those verses to try harder to be a good, loyal friend.. sometimes we need that reminder. As always, Pastor Steven's sermons are amazing to me. He said something in his sermon that really stuck with me this morning: "If we put off getting into a relationship until after we clean our act up, then we'll never get into a relationship... Are we being selfish with the direction and gifts God has given us or are we being generous and sharing it with our brothers and/or sisters?" Again, I felt very encouraged by his message. On my way home from church, I was listening to WayFM while they were interviewing the lead singer of Sanctus Real. Matt (that's his name) was talking about how strongly he feels that we should not walk through life alone. Whether it be a friend or a relationship, God calls us to walk together and not alone. He said that attempting to walk alone is such a dangerous place to be in our spiritual life, because it tends to make us very selfish and self-focused. That is not God's will for us, ever. We are here for each other, not for ourselves. "Again, I tell you that if two of you on earth agree about anything you ask for, it will be done for you by my Father in heaven. For where two or three come together in my name, there am I with them." Matthew 18:19-20
WE NEED EACH OTHER - Sanctus Real
I think I caught a glimpse of
Life without friends
Bitter, empty, hollow, dark and lonely
We never meant to hurt each other
So Can’t we trust again
And take it as a chance
To keep on growing
I don’t know why it doesn’t come easy
But I know that we could be happy
If we’d only learn to love
Oh oh we need each other
So what’s the fighting for
Oh oh we need each other
Please don’t close the door
Oh oh we need each other
Through all the highs and lows
Oh oh we need each other
Cuz no one’s meant to live alone
Life revolves around the need
Of having someone
Causing every complicated feeling
Oh and I don’t want to loose you
And there is nothing wrong with
Telling me what you need
To keep our love strong
It’s just a part of being a family
Taking the good with the bad and the ugly
If we could only learn to love
Oh oh we need each other
So what’s the fighting for
Oh oh we need each other
Please don’t close the door
Oh oh we need each other
Through all the highs and lows
Oh oh we need each other
Cuz I don’t want to be alone
Oh Oh we need each other
Fathers and Mothers
Oh oh we need each other
All your sisters and brothers
Oh oh we need each other
We need friends and lovers
Oh Oh we need each other
Well I need you
You need me
Cuz that’s the way
It’s meant to be
I need you
We need each other
(I don’t want to be alone)
Praise you, Lord, for this beautiful lesson you gave me today. Amen.
Saturday, July 4, 2009
Deep Consideration
There are many issues going on from every aspect of my life that make it feel like living in this place much longer is only going to burry me deeper into pain, trouble, worries, etc. I have too much history in this place, yet as many faces as I know around here I am very lonely in this town. I really believe the only way I'm going to be able to move on with my life is if I'm able to go somewhere and start all over.. How will I do that? Well, that's where faith comes in. I know that for one thing, going to school full time might help me in the long run but I don't have the same life most 23 year olds do where I can afford to take my time getting through school. I have a 2 year old (almost 3!!) who depends on me and this place is not helping me to raise him like I should be. If putting school on hold in order to do the best I can by my son alone is what I need to do, then I will do it. Where will I go? I've had some thoughts. I know that I miss Texas very much and I happen to know of a great college in Houston where my Aunt got her nursing degree. It would definitely be a step away from home. I could go to TN and be closer to my neices and nephews, as well as a few friends I have living around there. There's GA where I wouldn't know a single soul, but it would be quite the adventure to start off 100% fresh. Maybe CA where my cousins live who I've wanted very badly to grow closer with. Or I could go to Tampa, continue for nursing there, and be closer to my friend Amy.:) The only problem is, at this point Tampa feels like it's too close to home still. I really feel a desire to get far away from everything and start off brand new. At this point, it's the only way I can see myself surviving and my faith in God would definitely be strengthened. Clearly a specific location hasn't been decided. This is all just a thought in my head but I don't believe it's been placed there on accident. It might just form into a more serious plan, depending on the doors God will open and close for me. I know a lot of you aren't happy about this idea but I trust that most of you will want what's best for me, so just do me a favor and keep me in your prayers a lot. I definitely could use them!
I've had this song in my head all day so far...
Step one you say we need to talk
He walks you say sit down it's just a talk
He smiles politely back at you
You stare politely right on through
Some sort of window to your right
As he goes left and you stay right
Between the lines of fear and blame
And you begin to wonder why you came
Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And would I have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life
Let him know that you know best
Cause after all you do know best
Try to slip past his defense
Without granting innocence
Lay down a list of what is wrong
The things you've told him all along
And I pray to God he hears you
And I pray to God he hears you
Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And would I have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life
As he begins to raise his voice
You lower yours and grant him one last choice
Drive until you lose the road
Or break with the ones you've followed
He will do one of two things
You will admit to everything
Or he'll say he's just not the same
And you'll begin to wonder why you came
Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And would I have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life
How to save a life
How to save a life
I've had this song in my head all day so far...
Step one you say we need to talk
He walks you say sit down it's just a talk
He smiles politely back at you
You stare politely right on through
Some sort of window to your right
As he goes left and you stay right
Between the lines of fear and blame
And you begin to wonder why you came
Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And would I have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life
Let him know that you know best
Cause after all you do know best
Try to slip past his defense
Without granting innocence
Lay down a list of what is wrong
The things you've told him all along
And I pray to God he hears you
And I pray to God he hears you
Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And would I have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life
As he begins to raise his voice
You lower yours and grant him one last choice
Drive until you lose the road
Or break with the ones you've followed
He will do one of two things
You will admit to everything
Or he'll say he's just not the same
And you'll begin to wonder why you came
Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And would I have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life
How to save a life
How to save a life
Wednesday, July 1, 2009
The Beginning
I enjoy writing and sharing it with people, but not everyone on myspace or facebook wants to read what I have to say. So I decided to break down and create a blog for myself. This way, I don't harrass all of my friends but for anyone who is interested, you can follow my thoughts right here... Unfortunately, it is getting late and I am tired so I probably won't write a real blog until tomorrow at least. Goodnight.
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