As I've been growing more in the Lord my standards for dating have become even higher. I thought that the list I posted a few months ago was as high as it could get, but since then I've discovered more to be added to my list. It's good to refresh ourselves like this.
As usual, I was reading my new favorite book Lady In Waiting this morning, and once again, the Lord assured me that He was present in my life.
"... The issue of standards is most relevant, but may seem simplistic. We acknowledge that some women find it difficult to raise their standards and change their patterns because they are still entangled in the past. Unresolved conflicts with a father, brother, or an ex-boyfriend may overshadow and control the attraction to Bozos. In this case we suggest a possible date fast, a period of time during which you refrain from accepting another date until you can sort out some of the unresolved conflicts from the past. This method has been used by many single women who have been entangled with old dating patterns. During the "date fast," they find time to search for new ways of relating and dating biblically..."
AMEN to all of that! Although I am ahead of this paragraph (already 4 months into my dating fast and still going strong--time flies!), it was a great affirmation that I am on the right track. Likewise, it was an encouragement for me to be reminded that I am not sailing this "broken heart" ship across the waters on my own--there are plenty of other females on the ship with me (men get their own ship), and our Lord God is the captain of it. Following our Lord's course will bring us to the healing waters where our "Boaz" (rather than "Bozo") will find us. After all, we know that typically if a bunch of women were left in a boat to fend for themselves, they'd end up sinking... that same basic idea goes for women in the dating scenario. When we try to control our love life, we end up sinking. If we just let God control it we would not have to put even half of the effort into working for it as we have in our past, unhealthy relationships.
"... Do you want to marry a knight in shining armor? Then set your standards high. To be married to a man who loves the Lord and wants to serve Him is one of life's highest privileges. It is worth whatever wait, whatever cost. Nail down your convictions and refuse to compromise by dating men who are not controlled by God's Holy Spirit. These standards will stand guard over the castle of your heart. Proverbs 4:23 says, "Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life..."
On that note, here is my updated list (in no particular order) [for anybody who does not have a Bible but is curious to look up these verses, go to BibleGateway.com]:
I WANT:
*To be respectfully pursued by a Godly man; I will no longer do the pursuing (the "hunt" is over). (Ruth 3:10-11)
*To watch love grow between me and a friend, not someone I just met. (Proverbs 17:17)
*To be truly loved (the "RIGHT" way) and to learn to respect a man better. (Ephesians 5:33)
*To have a man who will take time out to study the word and pray with me so we can grow spiritually together. (Matthew 18:19-20)
*To be equally yoked.(2 Corinthians 6:14-15)
*Someone who will do service for others and go on mission trips with me; he puts the needs of others ahead of his own (Philippians 2:3-4).
*A man whose life reflects the joy of the Lord rather than the burdens of being a Christian (John 15:11).
*To be admired for the woman I am on the inside, not on the outside. (1 Peter 3:2-5, 1 Sam. 16:7)
*To get out and do things! Reserving money is essential, but quality time is important too. And that's not just sitting in the living room doing nothing all day.
*Someone who is truly committed, and once I am made a priority in their life I will remain in that spot, not allowing others to come before me (not including God who must be made first in his life--see below). (Ezekiel 14:2-4)
*Someone who makes God top priority in his life, above everything and everyone, including myself... I know I'm repeating myself, but I'm emphasizing the importance of it! (Proverbs 3:6)
*A man who follows through on his God-given responsibilities (1 Corinthians 4:2).
*A man who understands the depth of feelings and emotions (Colossians 3:12).
*A man who will not take advantage of my son's love. His love is one of the greatest blessings in life; not one to be tampered with. (Matthew 18:3-4)
*Someone who will walk with me even when I make mistakes, understanding that they make mistakes as well and I will continue to walk by their side too. (Romans 3:22-24, Proverbs 17:17-18)
*A man who wants to share his life with me rather than replace me with new and exciting things that come his way. (Mark 10:7-9)
*A man of humility. (2 Chronicles 7:14, Psalm 25:9)
*Someone who isn't afraid to love me and knows he can trust me.(1 Corinthians 13:7)
*A Spiritual Leader. (Ephesians 5:22-24)
*Someone who stands for what is right, even if it's against his own friends and family with no exception for myself. He hates anything contrary to God's Holy character, including the subtle things and not just the obvious. (Romans 2:9-10)
*A man who will love me as Christ loved the Church. (Ephesians 5:25, 28-29)
*A man who will help me raise my son/children with the same values and morals that I believe in, understanding that the example they set is the strongest influence they could have on the child. (Proverbs 22:6, Ephesians 6:4)
*A man who will still look into my eyes with much love and admiration 10, 25, and 50 years after being together. (1 Corinthians 13:8,13)
*Someone who is beyond the stage of "finding themselves." That's doesn't mean they have to be set in their long-term career, sure of where they will live, or already own a house, etc--those things are led by God and could be changed at any point in a person's life. However, they must be sure that they are mature and responsible enough for a relationship before already making the commitment; in other words, he needs to be 100% sure of whether my son and I fit into his life BEFORE letting us in. I will not stand for my son's heart to be broken again. (Proverbs 20:24-25)
*Someone who means it when he says "forever." (Ecclesiastes 5:4-6)
*Someone who doesn't lose faith in us and always fights for our relationship along with me, no matter how challenging it may get. (1 Corinthians 13:7)
*Someone who doesn't try to make me feel guilty every time I'm hurt, or consciously provoke me to be even more upset. (Hebrews 10:24)
*A man who will always keep open communication with me, so that I can learn how to give him what he needs from me better. (Proverbs 18:2)
*Support and encouragement. (1 Thessalonians 5:11)
*Someone who lifts me up in prayer every day, throughout the day, and on his own, free will (not out of obligation, but out of love and true concern for my well-being). (James 5:16)
*A loyal man. (Proverbs 18:24)
*Someone who doesn't let distance or time break us, should it ever become an issue. (Genesis 31:49, Joshua 1:9)
*Someone who values the family God gave him; is content and does not look for more than what the Lord has blessed Him with. (Ecclesiastes 5:18-20)
*A man who flees temptations to compromises, and encourages me to do the same (Proverbs 25:28).
*A man who truly listens to me; demonstrates that he pays attention to my wants and needs. Whether he can provide them for me is not the point--what matters is that he cares about my life, dreams, goals, etc. just as much as his own. (1 Timothy 5:8)
*A man who will hold me accountable for my own actions, temptations, behavior, sins, etc. (Galatians 6:1-2)
*A man who accepts that I'm not a very good cook, but I try. (:
*Someone who has a true relationship with God, spending time alone with Him on a daily basis. (1 Thessalonians 5:16-18)
*A man of prayer. (Matthew 21:21-22)
*An imperfect man who tries to be as perfect and blameless in the sight of God. (Mark 10:18, 2 Peter 3:14)
*A man who believes that "divorce" is not a word in his vocabulary. (Malachi 2:16)
I *DON'T* WANT:
*A man to use my son as a way to get to my heart, it's a turn off. (Colossians 3:22-25)
*Someone willing to break mine and my son's heart in order to save himself from heartache. (Proverbs 18:1, Philippians 2:3-4, James 3:14-16)
*A man who makes promises without fulfillment. (Psalm 15:4)
*Someone who holds grudges. (Leviticus 19:18)
*A man full of pride for himself. (James 4:6, Proverbs 8:13, Proverbs 11:2, Proverbs 13:10, Proverbs 16:18, Proverbs 21:24, Proverbs 29:23)
*To be treated as a piece of meat. (Matthew 5:28)
*To have to compete for his attention.
*A man who drinks, not even socially. (Proverbs 20:1)
*Anyone who thinks "boys will be boys" is an okay motto to live by.
*A man who pursues other women at the same time that he is pursuing me, no matter how great or small the degree of the pursuance. He's either interested in me or someone else, but he can't be interested in both/all of us. It is a sign of immaturity, insecurity, lack of trust for God, and it leaves no room for the Lord to provide answers about one woman when he sets his eyes on multiple women. This also gives me, as a woman, a warning that the man may not be faithful/loyal. To put it bluntly, this clues me in that the man could be a player and not interested in either woman for the right reason, though he may have himself deceived that leaving his options open is okay and shouldn't be offensive to any of the women involved. (Ephesians 4:17-25, 1 Thessalonians 4:2-7)
*A man who takes the Lord's name in vain, both verbally and in the way he lives his life (i.e. claims the name of Christ but does not put 100% into trying to live a Christian life). (Matthew 15:8-9)
*A man who believes He is holier than others, regardless of how long He has been in the faith or what position He holds in the church. (Mark 10:18)
*Someone who is hasty to take advice, even from family and friends, without challenging it biblically to see whether the advice is holy or destructive. In other words, a man who trusts unwise counsel even from fellow Christians, and will follow after a wolf in sheep's clothing without questioning. Obviously I understand that we all make mistakes/wrong choices, but the point is that he must be slow and careful to receiving anybody's advice no matter how "right" it may seem. (Proverbs 12:15-16, Proverbs 14:7-8&15, Proverbs 16:1-2, 8-9,&16-25, Proverbs 27:5-6, &8-14, Acts 20:28-31, Romans 16:17-18, 1 Corinthians 3:1-3, Matthew 7:15-23, Mark10:7-9)
*A man who doesn't make an effort to take time out for me; that's not to say he must spend his entire time devoted to me. However, a successful relationship requires a certain level of priority which in turn requires some invested time. (1 Peter 3:7)
*A man who shares our personal issues with all of his friends and family (Proverbs 16:28, *20:19,* Matthew 18:15)
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I'M NOT WHO I WAS
by Brandon Heath
I wish you could see me now
I wish I could show you how
I'm not who I was
I used to be mad at you
A little on the hurt side too
But I'm not who I was
I found my way around
To forgiving you
Some time ago
But I never got to tell you so
I found us in a photograph
I saw me and I had to laugh
You know, I'm not who I was
You were there, you were right above me
And I wonder if you ever loved me
Just for who I was
When the pain came back again
Like a bitter friend
It was all that I could do
To keep myself from blaming you
I reckon it's a funny thing
I figured out I can sing
Now I'm not who I was
I write about love and such
Maybe 'cause I want it so much
I'm not who I was
I was thinking maybe I
I should let you know
I am not the same
But I never did forget your name
Hello
Well the thing I find most amazing
In amazing grace
Is the chance to give it out
Maybe that's what love is all about
I wish you could see me now
I wish I could show you how
I'm not who I was
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