I love my morning time with God, and after this morning I knew I had to write a blog because I'm filled with so much peace and happiness right now. As many of you know, I've been struggling with letting go of past relationships for the last few months. I have prayed numerous times, literally on my knees and my face, pouring my heart out for God to take this pain away from me (as well as my son). We've had better days and worse days but I never let go of God and always trusted that He would work things out for both Gabe and I for the better, however that may be.
In the past week my heart has gradually let go of what I've been needing to let go of for a while. I can't explain why or how, but I do know that God's timing is perfect and He had a reason for waiting until this week to begin the healing process for me. My eyes have been opened to a lot of things and I've grown wiser about the situation. I am not filled with sorrow, I'm no longer scared to let go, and I am excited to see what God has planned for me next though I will wait patiently on Him. It is also a relief to see my son letting go, which makes the process for me a lot easier to accept. I still believe that if God willed it, it would happen. But I now see that there is a lot of growth that must develop first before that could ever happen and I'm not going to continue sitting around waiting to see if it will.
As I was reading in my book "Lady In Waiting" this morning, some really great verses popped out at me that I felt like sharing. I pray that they speak to you in whatever you're going through like they did to me.
"I want to know Christ and the power of his resurrection and the fellowship of sharing in his sufferings, becoming like him in his death, and so, some how, to attain to the resurrection from the dead. Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already been made perfect, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus. All of us who are mature should take such a view of things. And if on some point you think differently, that too God will make clear to you. Only let us live up to what we have already attained." Philippians 3:10-16
"...But you have burdened me with your sins and wearied me with your offenses. I, even I, am he who blots out your transgressions, for my own sake, and remembers your sins no more. Review the past for me, let us argue the matter together; state the case of your innocence." Isaiah 43:24-26
"Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider him who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart. In your struggle against sin, you have not yet resisted to the point of shedding your blood. And you have forgotten that word of encouragement that addresses you as sons: "My son, do not make light of the Lord's discipline, and do not lose heart when he rebukes you, because the Lord disciplines those he loves, and he punishes everyone he accepts as a son." Endure hardship as discipline; God is treating you as sons. For what son is not disciplined (and everyone undergoes discipline), then you are illegitimate children and not true sons... No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it. Therefore, strengthen your feeble arms and weak knees." Hebrews 12:1-8, 11-12
"Do not be misled: "Bad company corrupts good character." Come back to your senses as you ought, and stop sinning; for there are some who are ignorant of God - I say this to your shame." 1 Corinthians 15:33-34
Finally, as one of our "homework projects" in the book, my assignment this morning was to "Write out what a kiss means to you. What are you wanting to say when you kiss a man? Is there any other way to say this? How could adding physical affection to a friendship limit communication-building?" I didn't answer this word-for-word, but I did write out my thoughts about kissing. Ladies, I thought you might appreciate reading what I wrote and could possibly relate and add to it via comments on my facebook posting. Men, I figured you may appreciate understanding what goes on in a woman's mind sometimes, if you truly care to know.;)
"Even though I have failed my own values I still believe that a kiss should not be given to just anybody; it is a sign of deep affection between a man and woman. A kiss must be trusted to the receiver, not to take the love it holds for granted. Every kiss that I have given has been taken for granted. For if it wasn't, I would still have that man to kiss today. Too many people throw kisses around that it has lost its value for many, even I have been found guilty of that. But God created it to be a passionate and sincere action, to show love to our brothers, our sisters, our parents, our children, our friends, and especially our spouse. When I kiss my husband some day, I will be showing him my loyalty and trust for him. In just one kiss, I will feel safe and secure with him. I have felt this with more than one man already, which shows how misleading a kiss can be if it is not led by God. In order to avoid making that same heart breaking mistake again, from now on I will entrust my heart to God and not to a man. I will save all of my kisses for the man whom God has revealed to me as the one that I share my life with. And when he kisses me, he will feel the same fire that I do and he'll never have the desire to kiss another woman again because our love will be centered around the Lord our God and not our lustful flesh."
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