Hold Me Accountable

It's so scary how quickly Satan attacks us and how verrrrry deceiving he can be at times. Literally, only a couple days after I wrote my last blog I had two separate stumbling blocks thrown at me. By stumbling blocks, I mean that they went against everything I had just written about and truly believe in my heart. Looking at them from God's point of view, I'm sure it was obvious that nothing good would come from these circumstances. However, coming from a young female's point of view, I could have easily convinced myself that it had the potential of becoming something good. And to be perfectly honest, I was close to heading down that path. That's why I am so grateful for my personal and deep relationship with God which saved me from making any more mistakes and digging myself any deeper. Just a few months ago I would have fallen over these stumbling blocks and perhaps never picked myself back up from them. My flesh looks at the situation and see's everything "wonderful" about it, but God provided me with the spiritual eyes I needed in order to see straight through the situation. I am so grateful for the Lord giving me a spirit of discernment about it AS WELL AS some great female friends to hold me accountable--God is amazing!
The thing is, every woman wants to hear a man tell her sweet things. Not that I am in any way more special than anyone else, but as a single mom, to be told, "I want to take care of you" is such a dangerous thing for me to hear. In fact, it brings tears to my eyes just thinking about it because I do very much desire to have a man waltz into my life, sweep me off my feet, and tell me he WANTS to take care of me (and my son) and actually mean it. But the reality is, if he's not the man God has planned for me then his version of "taking care of me" will not line up with God's way of taking care of me, who is my ultimate provider and always will be. Every relationship I have ever been in was one where I ended up just "settling." I have yet to experience a healthy relationship and I know that the only way I will is if I wait on the Lord instead of trying to force something that I only half want into working out, until I deceive myself into believing it's what I want. Does that make sense?
Back in August, I had a very good male friend from church tell me, "You are a beautiful woman, inside and out. Don't settle! God has someone amazing planned for you." It was so encouraging to hear that; those words have stuck with me ever since we had our chat, and no, there is nothing between that man and I--he is very happily taken to one of the most beautiful Godly women I know at our church. They are a wonderful couple! The point is, women (including and especially myself) are so easily swayed by words. All the man has to know is how to say the right things to a girl and he can have a female wrapped around his finger no matter what shape, size, color, or age he is. But unless he is sincere about is words, it is manipulation. Even if it is sincere, if it's not from God then DON'T SETTLE! My male friend who spoke to me, didn't speak those kind words in order to try to win my heart over, but to encourage me in a Godly way. His words were more powerful than he probably realized, which seems to be typical for a lot of men (to not take their own words as seriously as the woman does.;)
The other day, I had a man tell me, "I believe when your heart is right your heart is right." He may not have liked my response, but I just don't agree with that statement. The heart is very deceiving. At different points I have thought my heart was right with every guy I've dated, whether it was just a fling for a few weeks or a "serious" relationship that lasted a few years.. and where are those men now? What happened to my heart being right? Turns out, it wasn't. I will never follow my heart again. In fact, any time I start to get butterflies for a man I am almost immediately scared away from the thought of it blossoming into anything. Part of that may have to do with the last heart break I went through which left a greater impact on me than even my divorce. But most of it has to do with my unwillingness to let any man get between me and God ever again. I know my own heart, my desires, my weaknesses, etc. and I have been so close with my Lord lately that I don't want ANYONE to come between that! I believe when the time is right, God will give me a peace about the right man which is why I've stated that I'm done doing the pursuing. The man will come to me, I won't go to him. Until then, I just want to keep my eyes on Jesus and learn how to overcome these stupid girly feelings better and better, whenever they begin to flare up. I don't want a man who makes the promise, "I'll take care of you." I want a man who makes the promise, "I'll lift you up to God every day, and pray that He makes me the man He has called me to be for you." In other words, I don't want a man who takes all of the credit for being my hero, but rather, gives God all of the credit for every step of our relationship.

"Blessed is the man who perseveres under trial, because when he has stood the test, he will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him. When tempted, no one should say, "God is tempting me." For God cannot be tempted by evil, nor does he tempt anyone; but each one is tempted when, by his own evil desire, he is dragged away and enticed." James 1:12-14

Finally, I'm so grateful to have a couple of my female friends holding me accountable over all of this. We need each other! We really do.
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BLESS THE BROKEN ROAD
by Rascal Flatts
(the song I will some day sing for my husband)


- Rascal Flatts Lyrics